I'm at a cross road. I left my emotional partner after the love and support of this group. The one who said if I didn't act the way I did, he wouldn't have to say what he said to me.
I left him straight after that and moved straight into a half way house. I've worked on myself a lot and now know I can do this on my own.
He has called and messaged me telling he loves me and wants me back. He also agreed to counselling. He has been to one counselling and got told he isn't abusive but he needs to learn to stop and listen before opening his mouth.
I've told me a thousand times I'm not coming back cos nothing has changed and things will keep being the same.
2 days after I left he lashed out at his own daughter and she has moved out to live with her grandma. She hated me and let me have it. Only because she felt I left her. She always thought if I left I would take her with me. And I wish I could of taken her with me.
I guess I'm struggling because I've been applying for houses left right and centre and getting nowhere. I've been in the half way house for 29 days today and I feel that it would easier just to run back to him but I know I can't do that cos I want better for myself and my kids.
My other problem is own I finally get something my step daughter wants to move in with me as she only wants to be with me as I'm the only one who makes her feel like she belongs. She is almost 16 at the end of the year so she can say where she wants to live.
I'm just not sure i can do it though. I love her like my own child and I just want the best for her and I know she is good for me but she can also be a real handful. Plus there is no way in hell her dad would let her move in with me as he wants us all to be back under one roof.
He still blames everything on his daughter and myself. Before any one asks where's her mum, that's easy, she has given up on her daughter and picked her partner over her child. They don't get along and my step daughter knows she isn't welcome out there. So really all she has is myself. She loves her nan but she has a way of having to know everything and stick her nose into everything and create so much drama and issues. My step daughter just can't handle that atm not with everything else going on.
Would anyone else step up for a step child? I love this girl as if she was my own and I've been by her side through so much in the past 2 years I've known her.
Everything still feels like a mess and I know I can't do anything for my step daughter until I have my own place. When ever that might be plus then I have to get my stuff from my ex so my kids have their things.
I just don't know what to do
3 Replies
Hmm I don't know? Have you received any counselling for yourself in all this.
I'd take what his counsellor says with a grain of salt unless you were in the session with your ex. These guys are known for not telling the truth in there sessions with counsellors!
Good on you for staying strong.
I think looking after yourself first is the right thing to do for now. Im sorry I don't know what I'd do x
I would put myself and kids first at least you know your step daughter is in a safe place. Work on getting your self and kids a rental house or apartment or even state housing. When your step daughter turns 16 at the end of the year she can legally choose where she lives so once shes 16 she can legally come and live with you. I would use the time between now and her turning 16 to sort your self kids and living situation out.
Good advice. I wonder too if this time might be good for your SD to work on her life skills - learning to work with you as a young adult. So that if/when she joins you she is a team member in making it work for you all. You guys are going to have to be on the same page to keep it together and although she's only 16 she's going to have to step up to a mature place. You can be a mother figure for her but you might need to talk together to agree on what both of you expect from her living with you. Make sure you both understand what the other is capable of and what their needs are. Maybe see if the two of you can access HeadSpace for some mother/daughter counseling. Well done for getting yourself and kids safe. You're doing a great job!