Hey beauties. Im just wondering has anyone been in this situation before and how did you handle it.
I have 4 kids 2xteenagers (oh yay) a 7yo and 10month old. My hubby works away alot and i have a awesome family member who takes the bub for the night when she sees im getting overwhelmed ( i do have pnd). Of late my overwhelmness is getting less and less ( yay me).
Anyways I have a friend who whenever she wants to catch up (always has to be at her place always and doesnt happen very often. I have tried getting her to come see me at mine but always too busy and if she does pop in its usually for no more than 5 mins. Anyways every single time (no word of a lie its everytime) its time for a catchup at hers she always asks me ifthe family member can take bub. ALWAYS. I attended a party/gathering at her place a couple of weeks ago and my family member took all 4 of my kids (hubby was away) so i could have some time to myself. Anyways we were supposed to catch up again over the weekend and again she asked if family would just take bub and i could bring rest of the kids. When I told her that I would be bringing ALL of my children she cancelled the catch up saying she no longer felt like it. Its starting to get me down that i feel like i need to palm off my child to see this particular friend who i thought was one of my closest friends. Im to the stage now that i dont even want to make the effort of maintaining the friendship. I have mentioned before about how differently she has treated me and bub but the reply was maybe u are having trouble fitting bub into your life and you feel the need to get rid of someone (ie her).
Not sure what to do any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
5 Replies
I'm just asking. Is it possible that when you do have the baby you can't talk properly because you are distracted?
I know when I catch up with my sister and she has her youngest we never can actually talk. Or if I go to her house she doesn't sit down and talk, she keeps fussing and we don't connect.
I'm not saying that's the case with you, just throwing it out there.
A couple more options see her less often to reduce the strain on you.
But totally up to you if the relationship is worth continuing with.
If she is in your 'best' friend group, can see you are having trouble 'fitting bub into your life' and all she does it put it back on you - doesn't come to yours, wants bub gone; SHE needs to STEP UP. Not you. This friend has openly said you need some help/support, but she doesn't see herself as the one to provide it... Personally I'd be investing my time in priorities greater than her. She knows where you live, she has your number, give her some space and let her know she is always welcome in yours and your kids lives and then step back. Let her choose you. You have 4 people relying on you right now, you need to be able to rely on her, not add another needy person to your responsibilities. Sorry if I sound harsh. You sound like you're doing a great job and your helpful family member sounds like an angel. Keep it up mumma :)
Just a long shot and not saying it's right behaviour if it is this but any chance she was pregnant and lost bub who'd be similar age?
I lost twins years ago and a good friend had a baby on the day my twins were due. I would never ever have asked her not to bring baby around and I was happy for her but it was hard at first to see bub and think this is what my boys should've been doing etc etc
1. Shs doesnt like babies and doesnt want to sit around while youre Distracted and busy.
2. Youre a shithead about your baby. I had a 'friend' like this, no joke all we could do was talk about her baby and look at it. Look at this, look at that. And stand ariund while she talked to strangers about her baby. Yeah no thanks. But then she wasnt really a friend and was pretty self indulgent in other areas too. Amd i still wouldnt ask her not to brimg the baby, although at the end i avoided her house and invited her to a few night classes. Id guess shes just not into babies and wants adult time with you.
Sounds like you need to put your energy into developing new friendships. Save the family babysitter for times that are going to be more beneficial to your own mental health. Good luck