I'm not talking about extreme cheapskates type thrifty, I don't feel that we all need to share underwear or anything silly like that... but where I can I prefer to be mindful about what I am spending. I buy lots of stuff 'reduced to clear' at the supermarket. I don't buy take away or store bought processed stuff and home brand for lots of things. As a result, I have gotten to the point that I spend on average of about $120 a week to feed a family of 5 plus 2 fur babies.
Lately, I've found that I am copping a lot of 'flack' from my family over my choices. Sister in Law comes to my house regularly and has taken to making smart remarks about the fact that I'm such a cheapskate I never pay full price for anything. She will bring in a packet of biscuits or a cake and make comments to my children about how she thought they might like a treat because Mummy is too cheap to buy nice stuff.
Even my mother lately has been doing the same. We went shopping recently, I had my children with me. She decided she wanted to stop for a coffee at the food court. We ended up going and sitting down with her, but we had our water bottles and packed snacks (fruit and cookies), so I let the children have them. She started carrying on about how I never spend any money on them and then went and bought them all happy meals and then spent the next half hour making snide almost nasty remarks about how cheap I am.
They recently came away with us for a weekend away for a state level sports competition that one of my children was competing in. I planned ahead and we took food that I had prepared. We booked budget accommodation with a self contained room and ate the food we took with us. We made packed lunches for the sports event. My family was there, buying food at every opportunity, buying bottles of water and drinks etc. When I gave the girls their packed lunches, I got a lecture from my mother and my sister about how embarassing it must be for my children (right in front of them mind you!) to eat packed lunches when 'everyone else' was getting lunch from the canteen.
The most recent form of attack is because I have started making clothes for my children, so my mother, sister and sister in law have taken to going and picking up stuff from places like Kmart and making a big show of giving them to the children because Mummy won't buy them 'good' clothes. (Yet they completely miss the fact that the skirt I made for one daughter probably cost three times more than the one they got from Kmart, and will last an awful lot longer, and until they started carrying on about how home made is nasty, she loved it BECAUSE Mummy made it!
The rest of my family has struggled with money, carrying lots of debt, living week to week and at least once a fortnight I get them asking me for money because they have none, yet they ridicule the way I manage my funds and chose to live my life.
It has gotten to the point that I have actually started avoiding them completely. I now make no efforts to contact them or include them in things that we do.
I have always been proud of the fact that I am good with my money but honestly, lately I am starting to feel like I am doing something really wrong.
I guess, after all my rambling, I really just want to vent because I am a bit over it all (I dealt with them again today) and I guess I'm also kind of hoping that I'm not the only Mummy out there who is tries to make every cent count!
15 Replies
Do you know what? I am in awe of you. Sticking to your guns, being prepared, living within your means. I wish I could be more like you.
Their comments, nasty remarks etc are pure JEALOUSY. They want to bring you down to their level because they are threatened by your lifestyle. If you can't get them to stop with the comments then definitely continue to avoid them and keep doing what you feel is right.
You're doing the right thing; not only are looking after your family's financial future by watching your $$, you're looking after their health by watching what you put in their bodies.
I am the same! We are actually quite well off (make round 130 grand per year) but we like to save for things that are important to us. For example a camper van for family holidays or putting money aside for kids. My sister and I are always sharing cost cutting ideas. I'm in the process of planting heaps of fruit trees and establishing vegetable beds to lower our food bill. I just don't buy into materialism. I have seen way too many people putting on an outside front, buying the latest and the best and who are swimming in debt. hold your head high!
I think what you're doing is great but I also think it's good to treat yourself and your kids every now and again.
I think yay you, but I also think the occasional coffee with your mum, bought lunch or treat for the kids won't hurt. It's a balance. I budget for our treats, once the treat fund is gone it's gone. Yes we are saving but I also want to be able to sit in a restaurant and eat a meal or join in with friends and family at times.
Its fine, bur its a lifestyle. Not conforming is a lifestyle, you just have to own it. Your family obvioudly like to talk and joke at your expense but i would make it clear they are not to undermine you, just as with any other issue, nor try to outdo you with your kids.
I also think eatimg is a social thing, when i was poor i didnt eat out ever and it was hard to socialise especially when group coffe dates etc. food courts are ridiculous, next tiem tell her youre not buying so she can get takeaway or call her and plan a coffe date sometimes.
Sometimes it is so nice and fun for kids to be able to go out and eat in an restaurant...a lot of my favourite memories as a kid was all you can eat at pizza hut!
I think good for you but I do think it is a bit overboard (sorry but just my honest opinion) I'm sure your kids would love being treated to restaurant or take away food every once in a while.
I was brought up this exact way. My mother was extremely thrifty and as a result was mortgageless before we left home. But you know what, growing up that way was the pits. As a teenager I never had anything nice, all hand me downs and our school lunches and meals in general were pretty pov. We never had treats, never had take away. A soft serve cone from maccas once a year was our treat. I felt quiet deprived compared to my peers and was teased as a result. As a young adult and earning my own money I went crazy, bought nice things, ate well and treated myself. As a mother I feel I've found a good balance. I ensure my child don't miss out but they are not spoilt. They get treats but they earn their treats with good behaviour. And guess what, if things are going the same way they are now, i will be mortgageless 2 years before my mother was and that's without having to make the drastic sacrifices she made. Just a bit of food for thought. In saying that, no one should ever dictate or ridicule how you chose to live.
Love this comment! Definitely agree...there has to be a balance.
Sorry, just to clarify, my children aren't actually deprived of treats. Their activities cost around $800 a month (which is why I started being thrifty in the first place). We do family fun, we do dine out maybe once a month (but we plan it in advance and budget it accordingly and we don't buy take out just because it's late or I don't feel like cooking), we do activities but we prefer to save them for school holidays when we have less activities and more time to enjoy stuff together, We 'travel' regularly for their sporting activities, and we take a proper holiday once a year. we have travelled overseas a few times. I don't have an issue with spending money, I just don't like spending it needlessly. I don't think I need to buy food or drinks every time I leave the house. I don't need to buy toys for my children every time I go to the shops 'just because'. I don't equate spending money to showing love. I don't like setting the precedent that going out means that we have to buy food and drinks or spend money on stuff that isn't necessary and I especially don't like feeling like I am doing something wrong by trying to make sure we can make our limited budget work for what we want to be able to do.
Thank you for the clarification. You don't sound cheap. It sounds like a good balance.
Next time your family makes a joke, remind them who lends money to them when they have run out. It will stop them in there tracks!
Keep up the good work IM!
I'm sure many would be jealous of the things you are able to do! (I am).
So long as you and your kids aren't missing out on the necessities , keep doing what you're doing.
$800 a month? That's $200 a week which is an insane amount to be spending on activities. Could you cut back a bit on those?
I get where you're coming from and no there's nothing wrong with being thrifty and saving money but only buying homebrand stuff and reduced to clear stuff can't be too healthy and honestly, if I was a child I'd feel pretty embarrassed only having homebrand stuff in my lunch box.
I think they're being rude carrying on like that.
YOU parent the way you want to, not their way or someone else's.
Go you, I call it being frugal. Just remember though that sometimes you have to spend a little more to support Aussie and ethical companies and in that instance I will happily pay more for my fruit/veg, milk, eggs etc if need be but I get around some of this by having my own chookens for bum nuggets and going to the regular farmers markets for local produce. I currently have a fridge full of bargain priced turkey pieces and chicken sausages (70-80% off at the supermarket because I have to freeze them today) waiting to be packed. You don't have to live how society dictates, there's no need to be wasteful. Fruit and homemade cookies sound awesome compared to the shit-filled happy meals your mother bought, that's less about being cheap and more about putting healthy foods into your kids. We do the same for accommodation too when we head into the city for concerts, book somewhere with a microwave and a bar fridge within walking distance so we can take cheap frozen meals instead of eating out and not have to pay for parking. I actually encourage the staying away and not making the effort to include them, if for no reason than they're going to MAKE your kids self conscious about packed lunches and homemade clothes, without people like that in their lives they'll not care.
What a pain. I really feel for you - it sounds like you were swapped at birth lol. To come from a family who have no appreciation for homemade things... I'm not surprised you avoid them! I used to spend very little on groceries, but these days I'm a bit more choosy over what I buy. I read every label, try to go with additive-free, locally grown/made, etc, and am aware that what I buy has a knock-on effect in many directions (the economy, the farmers, the environment, the health of my family, and so on). It's not just about my own finances, I really try to do the best for everyone's future. But somehow I don't think that's the motivation behind your family spending more! But the proof of your methods is clear - your family struggles with money, while spending it left right and centre at the same time. I can't offer much advice except to keep doing what you're doing, and try to surround yourself with like-minded people for a bit of moral support.