Hi ladies, I feel like the weakest failure of a mum posting this but - my eight year old is turning into the nastiest meanest little girl! She a "wild child", a firecracker and a boundary pusher, she always has been. Meanwhile I was born sensitive, bullied in school, bullied by my dad and bullied by my first boyfriend and through all of this I've never really learned to stand up for myself, I just take on the nasty things they say and feel crap about myself.
I now feel like my clever manipulative little girl has sensed this weakness and worked out that she can hurt me. How do I get the power back?? I've cried, yelled, smacked, given time outs, taken toys, sent her to bed early and above all tried and tried to talk to her about why her behaviour is not okay and how hurtful she's being, and at the time she normally apologises but nothing I do seems to stop her from flying off the handle the next time. Me yelling at her for the tenth time to put her school uniform on results in her screaming at me that I'm the most horrible mum ever and she doesn't want to be in my family any more.
How do I get the power back, and how do I brush off the horrible things she says and not let them get to me? I'm already in counselling but unfortunately this takes a bit of a backseat as there's some other stuff I haven't gone into here that I'm working through with my counsellor. Help??
2 Replies
Someone I know would say to her 6 year old " well I love you" when she would say " I hate you" it would throw her off and she wouldn't be able to retaliate because she wasn't getting the reaction she wanted. So when she says she doesn't want to be in the family say " well I chose you to be because I love you and care for you" something like that. Every time she spits negative speech at you reply back positively but still talking to her if she hits you. You really need to take back your parental role your right. She's walking all over you. If you watch the nanny uk show the kids walk all over their parents. You could watch some of the old eps for tips
Honestly this is somewhat normal for her age. Is she kind to her peers? Is she polite outside the home? When she screams at you don't scream back. She is looking for the reaction. When you loose your cool she wins.
Go blank faced. Don't respond.
She will escalate at first because she is used to getting that reaction so she will try harder for a week (which is when most parents assume the intervention isn't working and stop). She will get the picture that you won't be broken.