I left my abusive ex a year ago gone in may. I left when I was 13 weeks pregnant because he said he didn't want another child (he had another child to another women) he told me I had to have an abortion when finding out I was pregnant. I was already so frightened of him at this stage I didn't know how to say no. So I hoped in the car and he drive me there. The Dr told me that it will be okay and didn't give me that god awful tablet and told my ex I wasnt going through with it. He took me home and that's when he first became really physical. On one occasion he through me across the room he pushed me to the grown and he hurt me. All to make me loose my baby. I was always in and out of hospital with threatened misscarages. So I planed my excape. When leaving he would film his daughter crying for me telling her I didn't love her etc and sent it telling me I'm going to hell I don't even deserve my baby. He told me that I will miss out on every thing to do with my daughter and I will never see or speak to her. That is what made me take out a restraining order. A year later I'm still fighting for it to be finalized. In the mean time he trys and shoots on of his mates. He has come forward and will stand with me in court. Even with the interim restraining order he wouldn't leave me alone so I moved states.
Today I saw a lawyer. My daughter is almost 7 months and he has never made contact (thank god) or even seen her he isn't on the birth certificate. She told me today that my daughter has rights to both parents and he can get a recovery order any time and ask for me back to out home state. I feel sick. How can this be. He tried to kill her. She said none of the abuse matters he can still get access to her. I'm having a panic attack. Even supervised visits is freaking me out. He doesn't deserve her. I just want to move on to start a new life but now I'm worried he still has so much power over me. What should I do? How can he be aloud to see her after he tried to kill her so many times. I'm worried about him hurting her or filming her when the girl he is with now leaves him. They won't take me seriously when I say i know he will hurt her :(
Custody
Custody
Posted in:
Mental Health, Self Care, Health & Wellbeing
3 Replies
Just because he can it doesn't mean he will. If he does try to organise to see his baby organise mediation and ask for supervised visitation in a contact centre. That way it shows you are doing the right thing. It will also allow your daughter to be safe while contact occurs. It will also take him out of the equation. Some abusers loose interest when they realise the child doesn't give them access to you. Mine certainly did.
When I found out my ex was threatening me with that i saw a solicitor. My solicitor told me for a recovery order it pretty much has to be done straight away. (Mine was 10+years). My solicitor even said after 3 months it doesnt look good in the eyes of the court for the father. Keep making a life for yourself and your daughter and try not to stress yep i know so much easier said than done but u are doing the right thing
I was in the exact same position, 4 years on and no contact! Just wait it out. He has already waited this long, i doubt he will bother. Technically he isnt the father as he isnt on the birth certificate. Find someone who will fight for you, change lawyers, personally i think he should either sign a stat dec, or do a DNA test before he can get the recovery order in place. If he contacts you, tell him you will let him see her, but first he needs to sign the documents, call child support and organise it, then tell him you will go through mediation. (I'm confident he won't even bother!). The longer he doesnt make contact, the better it is for both of you. Continue to live your life, do what is right for your daughter, take each day as it comes and try not to stress about the what ifs. Some parents don't deserve rights, its so unfair. All the best hun. Stay strong. Xx