Needing advice. I am a mother of two girls, one is 12 & the other 16. The 16 year old is generally a good kid & does what is expected of her. But my 12 yr old, whilst she does have a big heart, is very cuddly and loving, she is also a huge challenge. She can be extremely sharp with her tongue. She constantly answers me and her father back when she is being told off. She's lazy and won't clean her room (which is an absolute pig stye all the time, it drives me crazy!) or do chores when asked to (which isn't too often). When she is asked to do these things or do homework she tries all the excuses under the sun to get out of it, she rolls her eyes, huffs and sometimes yells at us to stop bossing her around & can say some pretty nasty things. Being someone who suffers depression and anxiety I find this behaviour completely tough to take and sometimes I could cry. I feel that she is completely walking all over us and has very little respect for us. I am frightened of what she'll be like as a teenager. We have tried to take away her privileges etc but nothing works. I don't want to be too militant, but I don't want to be too soft either. People keep saying that this is normal pre-teen behaviour, but I am struggling to cope. Am really trying to understand her. I love her so much and I try so hard to be there for her but it's crushing me. It hurts. Please tell me I'm not alone in this!
2 Replies
It really is normal teen behaviour!
I was exactly like this.
She may not act like taking things off her is a punishment (I would pretend I didn't care, even if it was my favourite thing in all the world), but it did have an effect.
Pick your battles, as long as nothing is growing in her room, and it's not effecting the rest of the house, who cares if her room is a pigsty! Eventually like all people it will drive her potty and she will tidy it. When that is is up to her.
I'd focus on chores, and school work. Yes she is going to say horrible things, you are the grown up and you don't have to respond. And she is looking for a reaction, so don't give it.
Thankyou. I really do try not to react. Just sometimes it seems as though she hates me.