Hi ladies, so brief back story separated from my ex 7 months ago after a 6 year relationship and who is the father of our 2 boys aged 5 and 2. In the beginning we had a verbal agreement on custody and everything regarding the boys. Where he had them 3 days out of the week etc. Fast forward to now and my kids are lucky to even hear from their dad once a month if that. He has a new girlfriend who controls everything thrives on drama and wants me far away from the picture as much as possible. My ex has refused mediation twice, i have a certificate to start legal proceedings and have consulted a lawyer to find out what my options are. I know i can't make him be a dad but it's breaking my kid's little hearts. I just want to be able to co parent with him without the drama. Their dad saw them for not even an hour 3 weeks ago and my son has been acting out and extremely emotional ever since. Is it the right thing to protect them by him not seeing them till he can act like he wants them and will get a schedule together. I'm raising them solo without any help from him and it does take a toll on me mentally etc but i just want what is best for my kids.
4 Replies
She needs to back off and unfortunately it sounds like your ex is too much of a pussy to say so. End of the day he needs to man up and get his priorities straight. You can't "make" him do this, but I would definitely start court proceedings. And you just keep your head up and be the best Mumma you can! You got this! Xx
I'd get advice from a child psychologist about what way to go. Getting court orders won't make him show up.
Congratulations on being such a great mum and trying to sort things out without court. That's most of the reason that I commenting - to remind you that you're such a great mother to be able to overlook all the problems he has caused because its in your child's best interest. It shows how strong you really are.
'Men' like this make me cringe. There are so many fathers who spend thousands just to see their child every second weekend, because that is all a court allows, and he willingly walks away from his when you are being so welcoming.
Tell your children that daddy loves them, but he's a bit busy right now. Tell them that he misses them just as much as they miss him.
I'm not sure if legal proceedings are the right way to go. Thats for you and a lawyer (perhaps a child pshchologist as well) to decide.
It might be a good idea to get orders in place to protect everyone involved, though.
But, he won't automatically be a father just because a piece of paper tells him to.
Leave the door open for when he grows up (otherwise known as when this new relationship ends) and give him a shot to prove himself - despite the fact you'll probably have a lot of people telling you not to. Keep that strength of yours.
He'll need to prove he will be there for the kids and not be in and out of their lives, though.
If he wants the chance to step up, let him see the children on set days of the week for a few hours at a time.
Routine is important - especially for the youngest. It'll also be good to show he can stick to a parenting plan and not let the children down.
Go on the children's cues an eventually increase to a parenting plan that suits everyone involved, such as the originally suggested 3 days.
And if he hurts them again like this, tell him he'll need to prove he's serious by going to court for another 'chance'.
3 days a week is an extremely fair offer and he's blind if he doesn't see what he's giving up.
On a side note, get child support set up if you haven't already. If you don't need the money, plop it into an account for the kids when they're older.
And don't be surprised if he starts telling people you're keeping him away from the children.
The new girlfriend sounds narcissistic, so it'd most likely not even be him talking.
So my son saw his dad yesterday and he mentioned me once and his dad told him don't talk about mummy. Then my son said when he stays at his house which has been 3 months since he did, he's not allowed to call me. Him and I are both his parents and he should be free to talk about me if he wants to. In my belief this is parental alienation and not appropriate for a 5 year old to have to deal with. Should i be worried that he's plotting something behind the scenes?