This is a long and complicated situation so please bare with me. Im sorry if this doesnt make a lot of sense as im going to be quite vague on a few details to protect peoples identity. Please dont be nasty.
My husband and I are attempting to move approx. 1-1.5 hours away from where we are now. This is also where my family live (where we are now, not where we are going). Now a family member, ill call M, is distraught that we are wanting to move away, mostly because they have a fantastic relationship with our child and they dont want to loose that connection. I understand. I really do. However, there are no work opportunities where we are, the place is severely crime ridden (i realise all places have crime) and we are struggling to find a new rental property here, whilst we have a great chance of getting one where we are looking at going and also there are more work opportunities. M has helped us out more than i like to admit. M has always supported us and helped us out financially. We owe M a lot. We have stayed where we are to stay with family, but it is now to our detriment. Our family is suffering. It has come to the point where we have to be selfish and think of us and not others. If we dont move we will be homeless and bankrupt. M keeps giving us every reason to stay. What if it does work out? What happens if you run out of money? What if something happens and i cant get to you quickly? And so forth. Yes these are all vaild points, but if we dont give it a go, how will we know? M is going through a lot right now in other areas of their life so it feels to them as another blow. Its not my intension to hurt M but at the end of the day we have a child to think of. We are in a toxic environment at the moment that our child is picking up on. We must remove ourselves from this if we are going to have a better life.
So now my question is... how can i get M to understand or see it from our point of view. A tough one i know. M is not thinking clearly at the moment and i dont blame M for that. Ive said to M that its only 1.5 hours away with traffic. Its not that far. I have offered a fortnightly family dinner (one fortnight at our place, one fortnight at their place), skype, sleep overs with our child and so on. I have only ever been away from family for 6 months, im almost 27. Ive never wanted to stay here, ive always wanted to leave, but family have kept me here (not in a nasty way). Help.
**again, please dont be nasty.
5 Replies
I have no advice other than moving away sounds like a fantastic idea. I think the family member is being unfair making you feel guilty (especially since you are moving a pretty small distance, not 5 hrs away).
I think you just have to stand firm, and it sounds like a great opportunity for this family member to gain some perspective and for you to gain true independence from them.
Honestly I'd just stand firm!
I think you are doing the right thing. You can't put your life on hold for someone else's feelings. Hold firm and I'm sure she will come round and realise it's not so bad. Good luck with the move xx
I think you are doing the right thing. You can't put your life on hold for someone else's feelings. Hold firm and I'm sure she will come round and realise it's not so bad. Good luck with the move xx
You just explain its best for you and at the same time, we'll miss you and hope you visit and will help you keep the connection with the child. If you let m pull the strings you'll remain dependent on m, so you need to make your own decision about what's best for your family.
Aww love M is definitely over reacting and the change probably sounds daunting to M but they will get used to it. Just do what your family needs to do and M will just have to learn your a big girl who needs to make the right decisions for your little family. To me, moving 1.5 hours away is not a big deal. My younger siblings live that far away and one of them still brings his whole weeks worth of washing home to mum every weekend (the lazy little turd is in his 20s). You could visit M every second weekend and they wont lose the connection with your child... my kids see my mum once a fortnight and they love her so much and get so excited when we go and visit.
We actually drive an hour to do our grocery shopping fortnightly lol.
Your making the best decision and in 12 months time no one will batter an eyelid to the small distance. Xxx