I'm still quite shaken over an incident that happened last night. I went to my neighbours house to have a chat and a drink with the mum. The children (mine aged 3&5 and theirs aged 5&7) were playing together on the xbox and drawing. We heard their daughter aged 5 start crying, then my boy aged 5, and then some arguing between them all over someone drawing on someone else's picture. Then my neighbours husband started yelling at my son, "did you punch my daughter, I'll fuckin punch you", my son was hysterically crying. My neighbour and I went inside and he was right in my sons face threatening him. My neighbour said, she hit him first, which was true, and I said to my son to apologise and he should never hit a girl. My neighbours husband then went in the kitchen and started preparing dinner really angrily chopping things at which point I asked my boys to pack up and we left.
I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it. We are good friends with our neighbours and our kids play all the time. I've never found her husband to be like that before. Now it's just awkward. I've had time to process what he did and I'm shocked. My husband wasn't there thank god otherwise it would have turned in to an all out brawl, or maybe he wouldn't have said it if my husband was there.
Should I approach them about what he said to my son?
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8 Replies
Yes id say something if you can't say it to him, explain it to his wife. I'd make it clear that from now on no one is to yell or discipline my son if I'm there. I'd voice ur concerns, chances are the wife wouldn't be overly impressed either.
I've spoken to my dad about how he's talked to my child before I pulled him up then n there, no reason to act like that.
Sorry, but I would have said something then and there.
They are kids. Kids fight. She hit him first, whatever. The dad was just being protective of his daughter but he shuld not have yelled or swore at your kid, made him cry and scared him, thats when I woulda stepped in and said to the dad "hang on a minute etc
He owes you and your son an apology and the kids need to apologise to each other too.
Go next door and sort it out.
I would of said something there and then! How disgusting for an adult to speak to any child like that!
I'd speak to the wife about what happened and maybe try to catch up without the husband there from now on!
I am in no way trying to justify his behaviour because he definitely crossed the line and I think you have every right to feel shocked and upset about how it all ended. But I do just want to say that from his perspective, he's trying to get dinner ready while his wife is out chatting and drinking and he's suddenly got double the kids to watch at the same time. Maybe he had a bad day, maybe the daughter always gets picked on by other kids, maybe the situation had been gradually getting worse and you and his wife didn't know because you were outside. So I do think you should talk to them and make it clear that his approach, the aggression and the swearing is not on but at the same time probably also acknowledge that you know your son 'started it' and while kids do fight, you could have stepped in earlier before it got to that point.
I hope this comes across ok, as I said I still think he was completely out of line but if it was also out of character there may be more to it.
Do not confront your neighbour. They are not worth it. Obviously the mother was upset that your son hit their daughter and thats why she went to the kitchen and actuated differently.
But you need to protect your children/family. Go to the police and get a police report and get a AVO against the father and mother, these people are obviously not right and they should not be allowed to talk or be around your children. If the father was that upset by your son protecting himself from the violent girl, he should have simply told you to get your kids and get out of their house and not threaten to hurt your son.
By the way you should never tell your kids not to deffend themselves if someone hits them, even if they are girls.
You did the right thing. If you tried to sort it out last night, he may have escalated the issue. Safety of your children first. I'd cut contact. There is no need to approach them unless you want to continue the friendship. Talk to your son about the issue and make sure the kids understand you are there to answer their questions.
Just think: The way you feel about how he treated your son is how he felt about your son hitting his daughter. I dont know why your son would be hitting anyway if i was him i wouldnt be happy either like maybe you and his wife should have been supervising the kids so the situation didnt happen. I have a seven year old and Ive never had her hit anybody even if she was hit first, so I can relate to why he was so angry but he handled it totally wrong.
Are you kidding me? I can not believe I just read that!! You have a child who doesn't hit, good for you, do you want a medal?? Seriously how dare you be so rude and judgemental towards this mother, kids test boundaries, they fight, they don't express emotion properly at the age of 5, but a grown man should know better, if he's had a bad day they tough shit, he's the adult, it's his job to teach right from wrong, if he was upset then he should have spoken to the mother and let her handle the situation with her son and he handle the situation with his daughter, remember his daughter hit first, both kids were in the wrong!! Does that then mean that the mother had the right to tell at his daughter ( as she hit her son first ) and tell her she will fucking punch her next time????? NO it dosent!!!! Use common sense, you do no swear at a child no matter what and you do not threaten a child no matter what!!!
It's just that simple!!