How do I get past anger?
I'm sorry for the long rant, but I'm upset, sad and angry and pissed off.
I have two beautiful kids under 4 and I love them dearly, but I really just need one night without them. Just one!! I'm not asking for much. I need to destress.
Since I became a single mum 3.5 years ago I have lost most of my friends. I don't know who I am, except this rigid person who enforces rules in a chaotic house. I have 100% responsibility of the kids, my ex may as well not exist.
I feel like I have become a complete doormat for my ex. He asks for time off from the kids (his lousy 4.5 hours a week), I give it cos I know If I don't the kids suffer cos he's depressed. I have given him so many items and things and helped him (so he's not living on the street) He never takes them overnight because it interferes with his social life, and the one day he does have them he can't handle them more than 4 hours b4 he calls me to pick them up. He rarely if ever calls to see how the kids are or ask to talk to them (even tho he lives the next street over), and I always seem to be the one making the effort for to foster his relationship with them.
Everyone tells me he is a hopeless case, druggie and that I have to be the bigger person and step in cos my kids need me. I feel I have sacrificed so much for my kids, and I will continue to because I love them. But I wish he'd man up and take responsibility for his kids. I'll be starting mediation next month, in an attempt that he will participate this time. My parents think they are being supportive, but they tell me just to suck it up and I got myself into this mess by marrying him. Lately I've had random thoughts while driving about committing suicide. I'd never do it. Really I just want to run away.
This has become more of a rant and I'm sorry. I guess I'm hoping some of you IM may understand be able to offer me support since I have no one else to talk to. Please only supportive comments.
I hate my ex
I hate my ex
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
3 Replies
You have to look after you!
So stop looking after the ex, if he ends up on the streets that is his problem. There are plenty of support systems around that he can use that are not you.
I think the mediation process is a good idea, but I don't think it will change anything. So I think you have to stop trying to get him to be a parent. I know that sucks, but clearly it's just dragging you down and you can't afford to go down, your kids need you.
I think it would also be a good idea to see your GP and tell them how you are feeling. Your GP can refer you to counselling, and honestly a coubsellor will be a much better support system than your parents.
If you are not already look around for family day care, I've heard some do overnights. Or ask your parents to have the kids one night occasionally. Use the services available.
Forget him. Forget helping him you're raising his kids he shouldn't Ask you for a damn thing and you shouldnt give it - you have a higher duty to your kids than letting him not only not support them but take from them.
You need to forget him and arrange your life so you can do it yourself. Daycare? A friend or relative once a fortnight. Babysitter when you need an overnight. You can do it yourself
Yea. I know how you feel.
I split from my druggie ex husband over 8 years ago and he is lucky to see them once a year. When he does it's almost like he's done me the biggest frikkin favour out there. Yea rightio mate.
For a long time I hated him. Now I feel nothing for him at all. Nothing.
This is what I think.
The best revenge is success.
Live your life. Do things you love. Fuck him he's a twat. Have no expectations from him. It could be worse - you could still be with him ?
I'm afraid everyone that is telling you to forget him and raise your kids without him are right and the sooner you accept that the sooner the hate and anger will go away. He has to make the first move. My ex makes more of an effort when he has a girlfriend. You might have the same experience.
Anyway. Good luck xx