I don't even know where to start with this. Let's start off with, I feel shit, I haven't always felt this shit, before my now partner I had two other serious relationships, not once, ever, did I ever catch them watching porn or wanking. My now partner does it ALLLLLL the time! Well that's not true, I know the issue here is me.. Anyway, let's start from the beginning a bit, he did do it all the time, like every morning even though I told him I love morning sex, we ended up going weeks without sex because he was getting off himself with his stupid hand and the porn, I caught him heaps and it got to the point I just knew he was doing it because a guy in the shower for 45 minutes, was not just washing his hair! He never lied to me about it, he thinks it's quite normal to do it as much as he does, assured me
It wasn't me etc, but it got to the point I literally could not handle what felt like silent rejection and I spoke to him about it, so he now does it rarely, but I've turned into a crazy person, he can't even take a shit without me thinking his doing it, I find an excuse to go into the bathroom as much as I can, I feel like he must always be doing it but at the same time I have something in my mind saying he is still doing it as much as he can, just more discreet. I don't kind him doing it, just not every day! But now, we have sex more, but I don't really feel wanted I guess, I feel ugly and fat and I know
In not fat, I'm less then 50kg! It all honestly plays on my mind constantly, it's the end of the honey moon stage I guess but I miss feeling wanted. I hate feeling this way and constantly crying and constantly having a gut wrenching feeling that his doing it behind my back, he would never cheat on me and I know that, and it would be just about impossible for him to cheat on me but lately I feel like he could! But his not changed, his just this typical guy and I don't know how to cope with it, he still hugs me when he walks in the door, texts me when he can whilst his at work, he won't see a friend unless I come, his amazing with the kids, I couldn't want for anything because he has it covered! I seem to be SO emotional and needy lately! Like I need him to call me nice names and tell me he loves me and want me all the time! I can't cope with feeling like this! It was only triggered by me talking to him about something that was bothering me and him changing it! I feel he has an addiction to wanking and porn but from what I can tell him cut down on it dramatically! What is wrong with me? I don't even know if any of this makes sense I just feel so shitty and have no confidence and just feel shit
What is wrong with me?!
What is wrong with me?!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Men's Business
3 Replies
Ok, I agree with how you are feeling. If a guy I the early stages of our relationship was choosing porn to having actual sex with me on a daily basis that would absolutely knock myself esteem.
Its never bothered me when partners have wanked but I was always getting plenty of sex and wanking was more if we couldn't see each other. Rather than all wanking and very little sex. I personally don't think I would have waited around in the early stages of a relationship for a guy to change. In the honey moon stage you should've been bonking each other senseless!
So I can understand why this has done so much damage, and I don't believe you should be blaming yourself for your feelings. I think it's totally natural to have concerns, and have trust issues.
You need to talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. You probably need some counselling if you are going to stay together. But you need to decide IF you can work through this or it was all too much for this relationship and it's time to go separate ways.
Hubby and myself went through this recently I had to beg and cry and yell and stomp about why it upset me I also needed full access to his phone ect i gave him the option of cutting down and showing me the attention or id leave. i monotor his viewing time don't mind once to twice a week at most but I must come first with affection and attention and have caught him out deleting things here and there so he was given a last chance so far so good, I'll mention nicely to him when I notice viewing time rising as it was like an addiction to him ... I also try to initiate more often making it easier for him to choose me over gross videos and a hairy hand lmao also will help if you work on your confidence get some personal counseling or do what makes you feel good and sexy within yourself good luck hun I know how much it can hurt to be doubtful and always thinking something's going on please be firm but kind with your oh
Wow. Look, getting rejected is hard, I get it, and I think you did the right thing asking him to save some of his loving for you.
HOWEVER, you have no right to tell him when or how often he chooses to wank. It's his body and he can do what he likes with it!
Put it this way, if a man was telling a woman that she couldn't please herself, we'd all be up in arms, calling him abusive etc.
I think you need to speak to someone about your own insecurities. I think his behaviour brought them to a head, but he has regulated his behaviour now and addressed your concerns, but you are still acting and thinking in a paranoid way. I don't think he has an addiction (maybe a high sex drive), I think you have some issues of your own that need to be dealt with.