So.... I don't love my parents - haven't for a while.
I don't talk to my father even though he lives just 1/2hr drive away because when I was a struggling single mother of 2 he put money before me and put me out on the streets. I don't hold any animosity towards him any more because I faced him and dealt with my demons and moved on.
Up until a few nights ago, I had not spoken to my mother over 4yrs - about the same time her and my sister conspired to have my children put into foster care because they didn't like my husband and my parenting choices (we home educate our children). However I still have a LOT on animosity towards my mother. Both because of what her and my sister tried to do, and because of the way I believed she failed me as a parent. I know these are my demons and my perception of how events have happened. So I called her and requested we meet - we live about 1.5hrs from each other so I suggested somewhere in the middle. She has agreed.
I'm just not sure how to approach her. I don't want to verbally attack her. I just want answers to why she did the things she did. As I said, I know they are my demons, but I feel I need to face her like I did with my father so that I can accept things and move on. I feel this negative aspect of my life is swallowing me up and it is having a negative affect on my family. I hate having my husband and children see me like this.
So my question is....How would you approach it? Have you ever been in this position before? If you have been, did you get real answers or just excuses? (Ok...so that is a few questions...but you get my point!)
Thank you so much in advance for taking the time to answer my questions.
Facing the mother
Facing the mother
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Behaviour
3 Replies
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_d...
I read this earlier, has some interesting ideas you might find relevant.
Thanks......that was very interesting
From my father who ignored me for 16 years, I saw him once every 3 years, work was put before all relationships with his child, money was put before his children, who only intervened when I was in hospital after attempting to take my own life, and when I hurt my back with threats looming of never walking again, I received excuses and the all encompassing, beautifully put "I lived up to my responsibilities as a parent".
He is married now, I was told I couldn't attend because they couldn't afford it, I have my own child, he is trying to make amends through her, but I have a very thin, very little, if any at all, relationship with him, and don't believe I will ever have one.
Just.. Don't hold your breath.. That's all.. Some people believe they have lived up to being a parent, and nothing you can say will change that. Denial or something.
Good luck..