Okay IM's I have a dilemma and I don't even know what to do.
I'm very unhappy. I've got two beautiful children to two different guys. One has been in my eldest daughters life since she was a few months old and we have 3 years under our belt.
I've been told repeatedly I'm a 'whore' if I leave and find someone else and that 'no one wants a mum with two kids to two different guys'.
I just want to be happy.
I just want someone who loves us and isn't mean to us.
Is this stigma really something that crosses guys minds when they meet a mum?
I'm so unhappy I feel like I'm wasting my life and in turn not setting a good example for my children..
6 Replies
No, it's absolutely not!!! He is verbally abusing you and trying to make you think that.
My auntie went on to meet a wonderful man and I've had friends do the same.
But honey, isn't it better to be single anyway than live with that kind of abuse. Being single can be a wonderful wonderful thing, and you don't need a man in your life in order to be a family xx
it is real, and it isn't that you are a whore. they more think "Gold Digger" Unfortunately it has basis in truth. particularly if the guys are employed and not unemployed or on a pension.
because children to multiple dads who don't already have other children is worth more by way of Child Support and Benefits than children with a father who lives with them pr even children to the same father, many will look at a mother whose children have different father and worry that they are the next to be hit up for Child Support.unless the woman is over 40 or they have had the snip.
and unfortunately 2 children to 2 dads is a bit of a red flag for a mum who is farming babies. so yes there is a stigma attached but it isn't what you think.
it is a frequent topic on men's forums.
the rate of men who are never marrying or settling down has been increasing incredibly over the last decade...enough that there have been studies and inquiries into the matter. it is believed to stem from the bias in the family court however that isn't quite accurate the industry is biased while the court itself isn't statistically speaking.
many men are actually preferring to remain celibate and single than risk their life savings getting a woman pregnant.
it will unfortunately leave you vulnerable as most knocking on the door will understand that options are limited and exploit that assuming that you will tolerate alot more than other women for the sake of companionship
Stereotypes existing or not are no reason to stay in an abusive relationship. Get on your feet, make your own way, and you will be fine. In your situation enjoy some time to yourself and find yourself again. You will need it I have been where you are and how many children to however many fathers has nothing to do with it its just shit to fling and if it wasn't that it would be the size of your derriere or the greys in your hair. Abusers are abusers and will reach for anything to beat you down with.
You are a woman a person in her own right what men think whether your own or those at large has no baring on your worth as a mother or as a woman.
I don't know, but keep going, keep thinking about something positive happening. You don't need a partner to feel loved, and you certainly don't need one who likes to insult you. You've got your kids so keep doing your best with them, and it will happen.
Everyone deserves to find their soul mate i have a friend that has 4 kids to 3 different dads last two are to her hubby first two to different dads.
My partner took on my two kids as his own, his family have taken me and my kids in as well. We are a perfectly imperfect blended family.
You will find love again and deserve all the happiness in the world. Only a very small minded and insecure person would say those types of things to you.
The person saying it obviously already knows you can do so much better and are threatened by that.
I'm sorry, but my first reaction was "fuck off!" I have 3 kids, 2 different dads, and when my partner and I split for a while, I had heaps of guys wanting to give it a go with me! Besides that, who wants a partner if that's how he treats you? How dare he! This is abuse love, my first used to say the same thing to me... I was a whore, I was worthless, no one would want some bitch with some other guys kid, blah blah blah... I wasn't single for very long... I eventually met my current partner, and had 2 more kids... Get out... He is destroying your soul, and you and your babies are worth so much more than that... Don't stay with him for fear of being alone, sometimes being alone is a blessing xxx