Hi mummas,
I am not 100% sure if Im asking or just venting but I do know that I feel hurt and definetly like the black sheep of the family and not sure how to get past it.
My mother has helped both my siblings finacally to buy their homes and a lot of other money throughout the years (like im talking 100s of dollars at a time). I asked 1 time for less than $100 once and do you think I hear the end of it even though it was paid straight back. I help my sister out whenever needed quite a few times over the years ( not that i wouldnt do it all again cause I would in a heartbeat) but when my sister helps me out I get an abusive phone call from my mother saying I put too much stress on my sister and basically I shouldnt have asked her for help but again its expected of me to help her. Since the last mouthful of abuse just over 12 months ago I have had another baby and have pnd and anxiety and have been seeing a counsillor. My sister looks after my baby probably 1 night every 6 weeks or so (thank the lord for her or honestly wouldnt be here today). However I am on eggshells waiting for my mother to once again jump down my throat for my sister having bub. Also we were supposed to have massive overseas family holiday but unfortunetly due to finacial strain we are just keeping afloat each week and have had to pull out of. My mother offered to pay for 2 of my kids (have 4) to go (without us) but as i know somewhere down the track it will be thrown in my face again that she paid for it I have declined that offer. ( and yes Ill be honest knowing the 100s of 1000s of $$ she has spent on my siblings and not even offering to help pay towards the holiday hurts but like i said I would decline because it honestly seems like anything she can use against me she sure as shit will. I have asked her why she does treat me differently and she just that its in my head and im being stupid.
I guess I am just wondering does anyone else out there feel like the black sheep of the family and how do you move past it. I am to the point now because I know an abusive phonecall is not far away that I am putting my own mental health aside and not asking for help when I need it. I have come such a long way with my mental health but i know i am slipping as im starting to cry my self to sleep each night and am not eating properly wondering if i ask for help again is it going to be the last one before a phone call.
Feeling like the black sheep
Feeling like the black sheep
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
3 Replies
Yerp. I steer clear. My kids occasionally visit on the train I think my sister realises why I keep my distance. She cops it too but not to the same degree. When she has seen my mum try to pull that crap with my girls when they are there my sister steps in. Although mum would never let me see that she does it to her too she is a shocking manipulator but so is her own mother. I dont want any part of it. I should be the next family matriarch.
I dont want it and I am making sure it doesn't land on me.
She caught wind that I am back in court Thursday. So she has decided she and my father would be there.
I wish they wouldn't but they may be right. There I every chance my ex could be there in which case a wall of bodies might be handy. Its only early mentions he shows his face while he is estimating his chances of skaking me in court so far he has never made it as far as a hearing in all these years. He caves the morning of the hearing and accepts the orders every time without fail.
Family court cases she insists on being there. Its the only time she actually does help out. I just hope she keeps her trap shut she has a bad habit of speaking in court out of turn.
Yep black sheep right here.
I use them for their strengths, it took a looong time to learn that and to learn what they are, but once i figured out that they kept hurting and disapointing me in certain areas of my life ive learned to shut them out of those areas.
In the areas where they can be helpful i allow them in (even though its like one or two areas!)
It does suck as i would love a fully supportive family, but this is the one i have.
Dont worry about the holiday im sure the kids would rather go camping with you than an overseas trip without you.
My whole family often take trips without us, it hurts, but i distance myself from them for a bit and carry on.
I would be glad to be the black sheep in your family!! Sorry but surely you dont want to behave like your mother and treat people the way she does.
You need to tirn your phone off...or get a new number if you are scared to answer it and receive an abusive phone call from your mother.
No one has the right to speak to you this way. Stand up for yourself. Your mother is toxic, if she cant behave like a decent human being, cut her out of your life.
I wouldnt let my kids go overseas without me, when you have the funds, take your own little family and enjoy yourself.