I'm currently doing an IVF cycle and there is one friend in particular that I don't want to tell either about the cycle and also about wether or not it was successful. We've recently had a bit of a falling out but kind of made up and now she's over compensating with constant invitations to catch up. We have been very close in the past and knows my schedule/ routine so just saying im busy isn't really going to cut it. We also see each other every afternoon at school pick up so if I use illness/ injury as an excuse I'm going to have to keep up the act (potentially for 12 weeks). She knows all about my infertility and the fact that IVF was our next step, but I have been more vague with what I've told her in the last 6 months or so. If I ever say I'm not well or tired she immediately asks if I'm pregnant so I know this is going to happen.
I know I can easily avoid drinking alcohol around her but I guess I just generally don't want to be around her at this time as she is pretty draining. I just want to keep to myself for a few weeks until I know the outcome.
I guess I'm just asking for a believable excuse I can give her for not wanting to catch up for Gym/coffee/wine dates.
What excuses have you used in the past that have worked to cover IVF or early pregnancy??
4 Replies
I dont usually make excuses for it....but I do vanish quite regularly. Tbh I dont give excuses I just don't.
No thanks tends to work.
I have endometriosis so most at this point pretty much accept no. I am almost always 'sick' or simply not up to much.
Tbh if I had friends who it was a struggle to not see them for a few weeks I would feel smothered and pressured. Can understand how easily it would be to have a falling out.
I tend to agree with the above post...a simple 'no thanks' should be enough. We shouldnt have to justify to anyone why we do or dont want to do things. If she pushes the issue dont give in. As i think its rude that people think they can pry into others lives.
Maybe even go as far to say 'no thankyou, ive got some stuff going on right now'
Yes she will probably assume its ivf or pregnancy related, but without you confirming it its just speculation.
Its none of her business so dont feel guilty not letting her in on it. Still have a general chat to her when you see her, but dont go too personal.
If I had a friend I felt I had to go out of my way to hide such a massive part of my life from the friend would not remain a friend. I just don't have the time or inclination for the drama.
Sometimes, for the time being we do just need to lie to get some space, without some confrontation or negative crap to deal with. So I don't blame you for wanting to lie for now. Maybe when you have had some space, you can find ways on Google to faze her out of your life to acquaintance, or even be honest about how her behaviour has made you feel. Or that you actually need some space and don't want to discuss ivf for the time being or be asked about it. Until then, you could tell her you have enrolled in a Tafe Course via distance education/online. Have to look and pic something easy and interesting to lie about, as well as general info about studying online. That will get you out of catchups cause you have to study.