Hi IM's!
Long story short I have found out that both of my parents are O+ blood type....and I have a different blood type.
I have discussed this with my mother and she has told me that there was 1 other person once (she was young and drunk).
That other person was my dad's bff.
I grew up knowing this man and his family as an uncle.
My parents have been seperated for a long time.
I am planning to get a DNA test done with my dad soon.
I am really unsure what to do after that though... I don't really want to tell dad who it was and I don't want to tell this guy because really I'd have no proof without getting a DNA test....and I don't want a relationship. I just want medical history- that's it.
Any advice??
Thanks!
*edited to add*
I should've added that my dad knows what's going on- I only worked it out speaking with him.
What he doesn't know is who it has to be....
I haven't had contact with this 'uncle' since my parents split (it was VERY messy and I only started contact with my dad again last year).
6 Replies
Before DNA testing. Go to this guy and ask to do the test with him. Blood type is pretty definitive it doesnt mutate. He already knows your mum's already knows. Your father doesnt.
There is obviously issues between your parents. Approaching your father asking for DNA could set off a massive wildfire and you have no idea how far and wide it could burn.
Start small take it slow. Explain you aren't looking for a relationship... (being pseudo uncle you kinda already have one) explain you need to confirm your medical history. Being discreet about the testing should keep things low key enough that you have the space you need before there is any fuel on old fires for the situation to become inflamed that you can process the possibilities and implications for yourself before the 'family' add their 2 cents and old grievances.
Thanks for your reply :)
I should've added that my dad knows what's going on- I only worked it out speaking with him.
What he doesn't know is who it has to be....
I haven't had contact with this 'uncle' since my parents split (it was VERY messy and I only started contact with my dad again last year).
I will just say that it was bad DV before my parents separated when I was a teen.
Tbh i can understand the need to want to find out who your bio dad is but honestly blood isnt everything your dad is still the person that helped rsise you. My husband has nothing to do with his bio dad and always referes to him with his first name. His step dad on the other hand is and always has been dad in his eyes. At the end of the day abit of paper doesnt need to change your relationship with your dad.
Whilst this is true, and entirely valid, you need to know medical history sometimes too... My son's father passed when he was 2, but he knows who his dad was, and is in touch with his family... My partner doesn't have a relationship with his dad, but we know who he is and can get info on medical history... Thankfully we haven't had anything come up yet where medical history is relevant, but if we do, we can get answers... If we didn't know where to turn, we wouldn't be able to get the answers...
OP here. Thanks for everybody's replies!
I really should've added more info in the question as people are now responding out of context with the situation.
My dad (who raised me) was very abusive when I was younger- bad abusive, he went to jail for nearly killing my mother. We only started having contact last year and he's very different now, however I am very careful.
I have health issues- that is why I need my medical history so badly.
I am not interested in finding another father AT ALL. I don't even want to tell him- and I would have no proof even if I decided to. My question was more this- should I tell the other 'bio' father or not? He is still my dads best friend.
Unfortunately you wont be able to get the medical history without disclosing the facts because he either needs to tell you or provide authorization for the records