I know I will get a lot of nasty judgmental comments for this, but I don't know where else to turn. I have been drowning in so much debt due to a family tragedy and as a result ended up working as an escort. I am so ashamed of what I do, I cry myself to sleep at night and wish I can be anyone else. I hate answering the phone because 9/10 times it's a debt collector or a desperate man trying to get laid. I have done the math, but between limited availability of childcare, and price, what I would receive on centrelink benefits, and what it would cost to work a regular job, there is no way I can manage my current debts, and the bills that just keep coming, let alone cover the costs of raising my children. I say this because I'm sure most of you are thinking that the answer is as simple as just finding another job, or view me as some dirty s**t. I know quitting isn't an option, but my work is severely affecting my life. I hate myself, more than ever before. My mind is all over the place, trying to make excuses for the money, from babysitting to fake pokie wins and excuses for why I can't keep plans, where I am when friends and family come over but I'm not here etc. Trying to remember all the lies so I don't get caught out, and the guilt of those lies is so far beyond stressful that it does my head in. So many of the men I see are vile disgusting pigs, and quite a few of them married which has all but destroyed the way I see men in general, and I don't see myself having any normal kind of relationship any more. I am on antidepressants, and still see a psychologist but I just don't know how to cope emotionally.
Coping with prostitution
Coping with prostitution
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Money
12 Replies
Have you seen a financial counsellor through someone like the salvos? If you are being forced into prostitution wouldn't bankruptcy be a better option?
Google financial counsellors in your area, it's time to make a big decision financially.
Ok let's address the debt issue
I'm no expert on this but I believe you can declare bankruptcy that helps with paying bills. I know the government does debt consolidation for debts over i think 5000 look into that.
Where can you cut costs? Smaller apartment cheaper rent, phone plans do you have internet hooked up? If so get rid of it.
Sell stuff that isn't a neccessity tv,clothes,shoes
Have you applied to centrelink?
All I can say is this is obviously not for you and you need to get out of this industry for your own mental and physical health please look into the gov debt help
I agree with the other posters, it sounds like your long term health is being compromised over money - no money is worth it. But, just to provide another perspective, I also wonder if you could still earn the money you need without leaving the sex industry and without having to face-to-face. I went to school with a lady who raised two special needs kids on her own - financed through working phone sex. She never had to leave the kids in care, she logged into the system whenever she could (days and nights around the kids) and faked it over the phone as all sorts of personalities. It was good money then - not sure now. She always said the separation of the phone and never meeting them made it easy. Not sure if that's totally true and I've never had to do it myself. Good luck mumma, you are a fantastic mum doing whatever it takes to keep her family together - you are one tough bird! :)
As someone who has formerly worked in the industry.. It can be extremely tough mentally. You need and outlet for it; the gym, a therapist or a trusted co-worker. We all do it for the money and not because it's a first preference. It can also be very easy to lose yourself in this business, make sure you have a routine before and after work to get "into the zone" or become your "working girl" I would play certain songs while I did make make up and focused on transforming into "A" and a similar routine after I was done for the night. It helped to differentiate between the real you and what you do to make some cash. You are NOT a bad person please remember that. But also know, it's not for everyone, if you can't cope mentally then get out before it destroys you and you start doing things only because you are vulnerable, it will destroy you.
As for the debt, exhaust all your options through debt consolidation so you have one repayment and the collectors stop calling you. Goodluck!
You know what? There is nothing wrong or shameful in your work but if it's affecting you the way you say it is, it may not be right for you. Take out the stress and do you hate it as much? Debt collectors - hang up. Get a qualified financial advisor to organise debt consolidation if possible and the payments you need to make. Maybe get an answering machine so you can screen the calls and reply to work ones after you psych yourself up for it. Stop trying to explain the money or where you are - you're an adult, who the hell are you even trying to explain it to? It's nobodies business but yours if that's how you want it to be. If after all of this it still isn't for you look into factory work, it generally pays pretty well because it's shitty manual labour but it's where I started out.
I used to baby sit for escorts overnight don't sweat it...stay clean steer clear of the drugs and you will be fine.
I know some Amazing women who work in the sex industry in numerous roles. try not to get involved in the dives.
many of these women are fully qualified psychologists who provide sex therapy to clients... totally legit work and quite impressive wages...even able to be medicare billed...
take on some online study in addition you will find you can find pride in your work. the biggest issue obviously is the lying....find a way to honesty.....some people are ignorant and will have a knee jerk reaction you may find it is easier to be open about your profession if you can get yourself tied in with some of the more established providers who know how to make the most of it and REALLY are professionals.
You are in such a hard place at the moment. Keep your head up. You are doing the best you can with what you have.
Firstly, really try to reduce your spending and perhaps try to consolidate your debts into one loan with lower interest. The less money you have going out, the quicker you can pay this loan and get rid of the job you hate.
Ergh, your job would be so hard. Just do your best. Stay out of the drugs side, stay safe and protected. For your own mental state, make a plan or a target. When are you going to quit? This will give you something to look forward to.
Good luck!
As someone who used to work I think you should probably look into anything else, I never experienced these feeling because to me it was just a job and I did it and stopped with no effect on me whatsoever. If it's hurting you this much the only advice I can offer is stop and figure something else out. I agree with other posters about the financial side of things aswell. I truly hope you get out and start rebuilding yourself and your view of men :)
I know a few people who have done exactly what you are doing for the exact same reasons.
How they looked at it was like they were doing a service, like cleaning etc. obviously it's not the same but they had to change their mindset to cope otherwise they were falling apart but it was the only way that they could get enough money quickly to get out of the financial mess. Especially as none had qualifications to do much more than retail.
So they looked at it as "helping" people in a way that very few could.
There is a need in society for prostitutes, despite what anyone tells you. I also know people whom have visited and again, they are grateful there is an option that is safe as opposed to "picking someone up".
I can't imagine what you are going through but try and change your mindsets as to you're doing a service job as otherwise you will get crushed by guilt. You are also doing what it takes for your family which makes you a good mum.
Best if luck and hope this helps
There should be a community legal service centre available in your area. I currently volunteer for one and they handle a lot of debt matters. I would call and go see one as they can assist in writing to your creditors to try and negotiate cheaper payment plans or perhaps even attempt to get some of the debt waived. They can also refer you onto free financial counselling services to assist you.
Sex work is real work, this is something to remember. Yes there is a lot of stigma associated with the industry, I know I am in it. It's hard holding down a job when you can't talk to you friends about ithethe good and the bad... I am talking from my personal experience here, been in and out of the industry for 8 years, so this list is written purely from my perspective and what I have done to feel safe and even happy in the industry. Some things that I found to help were find a friend you can trust, tell them the truth about what you do you will be surprised about how positive reaction can be (sure some people are negative) for the most part people are curious about the industry and what really happens in it. Know the law in your state don't let people tell you read it your self,i know it can be long and boring, but but the end of it you really really know that what you doing is legal and this helps with feeling more emotionally settled in the job. Reach out to sex work organisations in your area, Scarlett alliance are Australia wide, of you are in Vic Rhed are also very good, most area also have sex worker support groups that can be good to go to . Don't settle for the first place you work in find an environment that suits you this is very important a bad employer make life hard. Don't value money over your self care, see you self regular shifts and never work a double and rarely if ever do a call in shift, the same way you would in any other industry. If on the day you wake up and feel like you can't go to work DON'T it will only make you feel worse. Be picky about your clients, if they creep you out don't see them. The job can be a lot of fun if you look after yourself in it.
Hi. I think you are very brave for sharing your story & I feel very moved by what you have shared.
I know of an amazing FREE service to help anyone who is struggling with debt. CAP (Christians Against Poverty) has helped thousands of people through debt counselling and can come along side you & even stand in the gap between you and debt collectors. Go to www.capaust.org and click on the 'Get Help' tab, fill out the details and one of their team members will contact you. I hope this helps you. Also - your story isn't finished, this is just a chapter you're walking through. Keep your chin up and for the sake of your children, don't give up.