I have a dear friend - have been friends for a while and recently became pretty close.
She asked me to help her with her at home business.. Help with marketing, social media, advertising, editing and publications (things Im very knowledgeable about but not fully qualified)
So I have been spending a lot of my own time doing these things for her and watching her business grow exponentially. I'm very happy for her and excited.. She also uses me as a model for her business. Now It was not officially discussed and settled before hand but I assumed my time, effort, expertise etc would repayed with her expertise of her business - especially as she uses me as a model. So this is an issue.. And I'm unsure how to bring it up.
I'm really annoyed by that considering I have put in hours upon hours to help her business grow massively - enough time to warrant free services and it is my fault I didn't sort the 'detials' out earlier and I am afraid this will affect our relationship and I'm not sure of a tactful way to bring it up or if it's too late.. (Partner says to just stop helping her altogether)
The other issue is.. Her kids. I adore her and her husband... Great couple but they have 3 of the most horrid children! My partner now refuses to socialise with them with their kids, and my 5 year old has now told me he doesn't want to either.
My son is a very well behaved little boy and I know kids will be kids but these three take it too a whole new level - these kids bully him, tell lies about him when we have socialised and the final straw came when the youngest threw a massive rock at him and made his nose bleed (I actually suspected it was broken but thank god it wasn't).
My friend punished her child but the other two laughed and showed zero remorse. Then the littlest one who threw the rock was so rude and disrespectful to me until we left.
This friend said sorry maybe twice and let/ignored her kids acting feral the rest of the time.
These two issues are weighing on me but what is troubling me most is her kids... They are the most feral horrible kids... Other friends have commented and distanced themselves and I've always tried to give them the benefit of the doubt but working so closely recently I can really understand why other friends have reacted that way! I cannot believe her and her husband cannot see it.. The oldest is a bully and all three are very rough and sly.
I won't make my son play with them or see them anymore and I have been declining invitations because my partner and I cannot stand those kids and the final straw was my sons bloody nose!
I know I should be honest with her about it all but I find it very hard to be forthright with close friends (like I have zero worry telling off a stranger that has done me wrong).
I am in knots about it all but mostly that her kids are ruining our friendship.
Any thoughts on both issues?
10 Replies
*cough* I agree with your husband....
Chances are her children learned to treat others that way by watching her...
I agree kids sound horrid and she seem oblivious to it all which is why they are the way they are
The reason they can't see it is because they are takers, users and bullies themselves most likely. Hence her using your skills with no offer of any kind of recompense.
I'd stop helping, keep making yur excuses. No point confronting them as they will just try and turn it around.
Im going to say she isnt actually a taker as hiu never had an agreement if payment, youre not qualified, yiure a friend, shes probably assumed yiuve helped her out as a friend.
If you were qualified and billing her, you should stipulate that at the time. 'Oh that will take 15 hours ill need to charge you mates rstes for my time on that job'
So i say forget whats done, in future dont do it anymore or charge her.
If you need am excuse about the kids say 'all the kids' dont play well together and the rock to the face was th last straw you cant handle it anymore so they can just habe some time apart. Blaming them all, and kids being kdis makes it less accusatory and easier to say.
Being qualified doesn't matter if you've significantly helped her business a friend and good business person would thank and reward you to keep receiving your help! She seems a bit clueless or she acts that way to get away with it.
Honestly the whole situation - business and her kids I would leave it be and distance yourself. Don't cut the whole friendship off but don't put your child back in the situation and yourself. Be cordial and polite but move on.
It's hard with friends sometimes to bring up the difficult talking points.
Time to take a "time out" from the friendship and see if she calls for friends or business meetings.
She asked for your help and you agreed. Have you asked for services in return and has she said no or did you just assume she would offer? As for the kids, it's quite easy. Socialise with her, she's your friend. Leave your partner and kids at home, they don't have to be there.
agree. You agreed to do it free of charge, expecting something now and expecting her to somehow know that and what you expect and when - and then attacking her character for failing - i find it a bit unfair.
Well to be fair as the business has grown the work load has probably grown as well. It was probably fine to do it free at the beginning and now it's changed and there is more time involved.
I know for myself if I had a friend doing that for me I would most definitely be giving them something or paying them. They wouldn't have to ask.
It's a hard situation to be in.
This lady has every rigt to say shes don enough and cant invst herself jnto feowing somebody elses businss, or to change the agreement and require payment moving forward. Jeu becausse the business has grown doesnt mean this friend is suddenly seeing money either, she probably has a list of debtors and expenses that are growing as well.