So when my ex husband and I first got together he knew I wanted to move interstate to a better climate and lifestyle. He however wanted to stay in Melbourne (close with family) and stupid me just stayed and settled. We got married, had a gorgeous little boy together and had the house with the white picket fence situation going on, even though we were very unhappily married. I am now remarried quite a few years on and my ex is in a new relationship also. We are very good friends and co parent amicably. He has mr 9 every second weekend.
10 years on and I still have the overwhelming desire to have a better life in a different state. Today I was supposed to have a job interview in the town I long to live in. I spoke to ex husband a few days ago, it all happened very quickly, and today half an hour before my phone interview he called and said he wasn't happy about it as it was too short notice. (Two week turn around)
I also want to start a business that would be run out of my property in my new home town and can't go through planning until I have an address. It a tourism based business hence why I can't do it in Melbourne.
So in an upset state I withdrew my job application. I feel like my perfect opportunity was ripped from beneath me in an instant. Dreams shattered. I am angry at him and I am angry at myself. I should have just sat the damn interview. I might not have even got it!
What I'm trying to ask I guess is how do families do it when mum and dad are living in different states? And how do you make the move? I feel like the worst person in the world for moving his son away ( ex would be more than welcome to visit anytime and mr 9 would be with him school holidays) but I feel even worse that I'm living a life that I'm not 100% happy in.
What do I do? I don't want to start a shit fight, there's no way I would put my son through that. I feel trapped...
4 Replies
I honestly don't think you can move. It's not about what we want for our futures anymore it's about our kids needs. What your son needs is easy access to both parents especially as he hits the teenage years.
And I think your exes reaction was reasonable. Can you imagine if he wanted to have full custody with two weeks notice? That is in effect what you said to him.
I think maybe you need to give it a bit more time. 2 wks notice is not much when you are talking about moving his son away so I think it's understandable he's freaked out. Even though he knew you wanted to move years ago things have changed.
It sounds like you guys have a good parenting relationship which is awesome and not something you want to wreck.
What's done is done now and there will be other jobs. I would suggest chatting with him about it from now on without just springing it on him. See if you can come to an agreement over time before you apply for any job. I don't mean years, give it a month maybe then start discussion again with the aim to maybe move in 6-9 mths is you can agree
Give him time, make the plan, stick to it and get anything he says in writing. Would you to trade custody arrangements to ease him and your son into the change.
I know what it's like to want to live somewhere really badly. But it's about your son now too. have you considered how it would fundamentally change your sons relationship with him dad. Do you have a relative that lives in a different state that you see a few times a year? It's very different. I'd work on negotiating an agreement with the dad and start out by giving - to make sure he knows you're sensitive to his point of view.
you should have thought about this before you had a child. wait until he is 18 and then go.
sorry you are unhappy but seriously if he wantex to take the child and move away would you be happy!?