My son is 15. He is aggressive, violent, manipulating, a liar and has been physically violent with myself, my partner and his siblings. After his last violent outburst he demanded to live with his dad because I refused to give him the money he had in his bank account. He punched into my partner (not the first time) and he has done the same to his grandfather and threatened to wrap chain around my head. I agreed to let him go as I could not take anymore. His dad came to pick him up, and threatened us when we told son to go while he was facing up fists raised threatened to come back at 18 and beat our heads in. they went to the police and filed false allegations of aggravated assault against us when son was the one who was violent and was charged with assault and wilful damage not 6 months ago.
Fast forward two weeks son rings me from school - threatens me again to give him his money. He has asked me in the past to buy him booze, drugs and condoms so he can go and "fuck chicks" (his words). I told his father instantly - we both agreed his is too immature to have access to that money and we will decide together when.
My problem: I have never left sons money in his account - I always moved it as he harasses me to spend and waste it. He did some paid work for family - as soon as the money cleared I moved it out. I have been using his account as online account for spare money for us while his is safe.
His father took him to the bank yesterday - the CBA has changed their youthsaver rules and instead of 16 its now 14. So they removed my authority got printed statements of the account, got the son a keycard and his father has proudly threatened me with : where's his money - ive given the bank statements to the cops your going to be arrested for theft and fraud.
I told him I will tell the cops the same thing I told him - not getting it until hes 18 and I had the authority to withdrawal it. But my problem lies in the possible fact I committed a crime. I set the account up - was the only one to ever contribute to it and was the only authority on it as he was under 18. Now im wondering do I give him the money (will it look like I did actually steal it and feel guilty so im giving it back) or stick to my guns and give it to him when he's 18? The police and myself are concerned he has got himself mixed up in drugs as he was such a great kid who has gone downhill so fast its not funny. But what do I do if/when the police come to my door?
Im just so tired of my ex and son being abusive and vindictive when they don't get their way, sick of them making up stories, being bullies and going back on their word. I backed this kid up when his father would abuse him - and he has turned into what I hate (his dad) displaying the exact same behaviour, attitudes and outlook on life "its not my fault, they started it/made me do it".
8 Replies
You need legal advice, speak to a lawyer ASAP
You've done the wrong thing in moving his money. If he's earned it, it belongs to him sorry. Only give him the money he earned or had received from Centrelink not the money that you put into the account technically the money you put in was yours. Something that parents really need to know. Never tell a child that you've made them a bank account weather it be a college fund or a savings account until you are prepared to give it to them. And never tell them how much was/is in there. And always make it like a joint account with both names on there. Yours and his. There is a difference between putting money aside and taking board for his weekly costs and at his age board shouldn't be much at all.
You say he has come into drugs that's very unfortunate but still you cannot take his money. He wants condoms hell I would have paid for them apart from you not wanting him to have sex, safe sex is better than unprotected sexy a ending up with grand babies, he's gonna do it either way. Alcohol and cigarettes I wouldn't buy either but he will always find someone prepared to buy them for him. Get some legal advice and hopefully your ex will stop being a dick.
I'm unsure legally where u stand but i think if he's earned money, u should give that to him, but the money you have given him (transferred into his account) i definitely wouldn't give it to him.
Thanks for your replies. I feel like a criminal :(
My mum did the same thing with me....i deposited in there and when i was 16 and the account was mine she transferred everything out minus 100 so i couldnt waste it (years of birthday money, wages). I rang the bank and they said as a signatory/authorised person on the account there isnt much they (the police) can do but i think the post about giving him what he earned is a great idea. If he wastes it not my problem anymore i guess and i cant be accused of stealing his wages.
Thankyou again for your help i can only wait to see if the police come and what they have to say.
I don't know about the legalities of it, but I would of done the same thing if I was you.
I say good on you for doing the only thing you can from stopping your son from blowing what I assume is a large sum of money on alcohol and drugs.
My husband's mother took money from him, sold half of his stuff and kept the cash, and did all sorts of disgusting things to control him and his money up until he moved out. Her behaviour was disgusting because it was done as a way to control.
It sounds like you're doing this as a way to protect.
So cop the backlash from this page, but don't feel guilty.
We do what we have to do sometimes.
Yes you did the wrong thing. I disagree with you using his money. If he worked to earn it you should never have touched it.
I fear he knows he can not trust you and this might be the cause of his outbursts.
You need to get him some help for his anger, and attend family counceling.
They can press charges and you may need to give the money back with or without the court ordering it.
I personally would apologise and give him the money. If he had accessed your account you would be pissed off and want something done.
She never said she used his money... She moved his money and used 'his account' as a savings account for them. Still I think she needs to give him his money but she will have a hell of a time proving what was hers and what was his given that all funds were transferred in and out of 'his account'. Only thing I am confused about is where are 'their savings'? If she was using the account for her and hubby then where is that money??? Sounds like she got lucky that he didn't gain access to an account with possibly thousands of her savings....
I think you are using the fact that he is 15 and is giving you a hard time as an excuse.