Hey mummy's just needing abit of advice.
It's a long read ladies, beware.
My son is 4yrs old almost 5. His father and I split when he was 7months old. Ever since then he's father has been in and out of his life. Hardly in I can actually count on one hand how many time he visited him. He hasent seen my sons since a few months just after his 2nd birthday that's in December and ever since then I've had a new partner as well. So it's been a while. He pays child support once a year of $100 but I don't really mind as I don't rely on it. After that visit he moved to another country with his girlfriend and had a baby. I didn't know about his moving at all but I didn't let it get to me. It was my son I was worries about. I contacted him but he's partner doesn't like me so to stop the "drama" I just left them alone and just contacted through his mum. He's parents and a little bit of his family is involved in my sons life. But he's not. My issue is, I will never keep my son from knowing who he's bio father is as I have pictures and letters I've kept for him. My sons other side tells my son who his dad is on a regular basis, shows him photos (the photo album I have for him is in his bedroom which I let him go through freely) and they always say that's your daddy. That's not the bad thing, the bad thing is that my son can't Remember who he is and because of that every man that has a bald head, fare skin and medium built he calls daddy. Out in public, video games, anywhere! My sons confused!! My partner is doing a great job as a role model and step dad. My son calls him by his name and eventually we would like him to in the future be comfortable to get him to call him dad but that's up to how my son sees my partner ( we also have a son together and are expecting another) . The hard part is explaining what a dad is. He thinks a dad is someone that has those features I explained earlier. I've been trying and I'm going to keep trying to explain to him what one is. But it's hard with my sons other side always telling him that (a man that plays no part in his life, and plans not to, I've actually asked him. We have no hate towards each other and I'm not mad. We've both just moved on.) is his dad. I was going to wait till he was old enough to explain to him the difference between a dad and a father but that's come too quick. It. Hurts when we are out and he's calling every man daddy! I thought this would kick in around maybe 5 or 6 but it's been this way since he was 3. Please help me! I'm stuck! Sorry for the long read. I just really need some advice as my family thinks I'm over reacting. Maybe I am I don't know anymore.
4 Replies
it's a big concept
Personally I think the family making a big deal about the photos etc probably is making things worse not better. Let's face it the man is unlikely ever to be in the child's life. So going on and on about the bloke and shoving the pictures in his face can hardly be helping.
It's one thing to know who your father is, and discuss it but honestly this sounds like it's gone too far and is causing confusion for the poor boy. After all being a Dad is a job and something you do, like your partner now. It's not a title it's a job description. This child's father quit his dad job!
So that's another hard discussion because Dads all look different but it's a job they do and that's loving, looking after and spending time with a child.
That's exactly how I feel. My partner has done a lot to get to where he is today with my son. He would like to be called dad eventually but he knows that there's a chance it won't happen. It all depends on how my son feels towards him. Just dislike how my sons father get to be known as his daddy when he's not even around. And I agree with you daddy is not a title. It's a job description. I'm glad to see someone has agreed with me instead of getting burned all the time. Thanks mumma :)
My son and i read a book at school the other day about how different ppl make up a family. It was such a good book it even had in it about step parents saying some kids get two mums or two dads. Perhaps explain to your son his special.because he had two dads show him the pic of his bio dad and then tell him he also has your current partnet. And tell your son if he wants to call him daddy then thats fine he can choose what he calls your patner. This post sounds so sad that all your son really wants to say this is my daddy, 4yr old boys idolise their dads.
I don't have any advise but I really wanted to say that I don't think you're overreacting at all and well done to your current partner for stepping up to the role of being father without putting any expectations on your son. I hope that one day your son realises how lucky he is to have him as his daddy x