Hi, I am a single mum of 2 and I separated from my husband 2 and a half years ago due to DV. There is a DV order in place at the moment and nothing in place at the moment in regards to a court order for the kids. At the beginning of the year my daughter told me about something that her dad had been doing to her (sexual abuse).
I approached the right groups of people, DOCs, Child Safety and CPIU. According to the police my daughter did not diclose enough information about the molesting and they were unable to charge him due to that and my ex (the kid's dad) refusing to be interviewed. I was advised not to let the kids see him again due to this allegation.
I am seeking counselling for my daughter and I am currently seeing a psychologist on a regular basis and I am trying to come to terms with EVERYTHING. I suffer from depression, anxiety and insomnia. I am getting help with my mental health condition yet, I still feel like no one is protecting me and my children.
I don't know what else to do... I am getting the terms of my DV order varied so that he can not approach me and the kids. He has been going to the school my kids attend. He seems more concerned about my daughter then he is about my son.
I need help and some sort of direction. I feel like I failed my daughter by trying to be a good parent and letting the kids see their dad but I have put her in danger. I have spoken to my family and some friends and they seem to not want to talk about it or don't know what to say.
I cant stop blaming myself. If only I didnt marry him, if only I didn't have kids with him, I should have never let this monster in our lives!! I am so sick of feeling paranoid like he is stalking me, following me and I can't live my life like a "normal" person. What can I do?
9 Replies
Have you considered changing schools?
I have but I dont know my legal rights at the moment and my daughter has already had a disruptive year. She is only in prep and I am scared he will be able to find her eventually.
Find out your rights. Knowledge is power. It sounds like you've become bogged down in 'what ifs' and paralysed by fear. At least moving schools is doing something. Isn't her school year already disrupted by him showing up there?
I'd find out if you can change schools without telling him, if you can then move.
My sister refused move when she split with her ex. It's like she became paralysed with fear. Of course they meant he kept returning to the house, the police could only do so much.
Once she moved, the only way he could find her was by driving the suburbs. Problem solved hadn't had him turn up to her house or anything.
You need to take action, standing still won't change anything.
I know you can say to the teachers this person is to have no contact with your child, make sure you give them a pic of him so they know what he looks like. Also speak to your school principal about the situation they should be able to put safety measures in to protect all the children. This happened to another child in my daughters kindy class when she was going through.
If there are no court orders in place he can legally pick her up from school. I spoke to my sons school about it because I have no orders in place and they told me they can't stop him picking my son up the only thing they can do is call me if he turns up. I'm fortunate enough to only live a few minutes from the school if he does turn up.
Hi! well done mum for believing and acting this is the best thing you could of done and makes you a brilliant mum! Do you know less than10% of children disclose abuse to a parent? So the fact she trusted you speaks volume . This is not your fault! You and your gorgeous children are the victims and your existhe scum ... You need to contact victims of crime advocacy league . They can give you support and direction. You need to get your daughter into counselling this will help her with her healing and she may disclose more and then you have more evidence ... Good luck and I will be praying for you... You get thru it ... Me and my children are ...
I have been through a very similar thing myself, if you need someone to talk to, or even a place to stay feel free to message me. Don't blame yourself, I know it's hard but it is NOT your fault.
Go back to the Police. Go to the biggest station on your area. Ask to speak to someone in either Child Abuse or Domestic Violence Unit. They are trained in speaking to children and know what to ask and how.
I had a few different incidents that happened with my child in different states, two states have been HOPELESS, but Melbourne police have been EXCELLENT. Don't give up, just keep trying to find someone to help you.