Single parents - have you please got any tips for better coping when it's not your time with your child? I share 50/50 custody on a 4-5 day turnaround. It's been a year now and I still find myself getting irritable and perhaps depressed at times about the whole situation. I have access to a gym when I'm at work but often find I emotional eat.
I will be shift working for the remainder of the year which takes up most of my time when I don't have my son, making socialising hard. It's a changing roster. I do 11 or 13 hour shifts. I also don't have a lot of friends here yet, as we only moved here a year ago.
Is it going to get better or easier? I don't have that love for life I used to have. I'd love more time with my son (he's 3) but 50/50 is what it is so just after coping skills. I have recently started seeing a counsellor
5 Replies
Do you have set days that you work or is it a changing roster?
I'd suggest getting out and making friends and getting your own life.
Join a gym /club/mothers group and arrange meetups. You'll be tired but make yourself go for an hour. You'll feel better for it. Take care of yourself too, I book my beauty appointments in my own time. And I sleep!! And I study so I get some time to do things for me. I still get a bit bored, but I need to motivate myself, there's so much I could do. I also know once I have good friends I can go out with for a movie, a night out, or in, I think I'll have a nice balance.
If you're interested in dating, this time is also good so that you can keep guys completely separate from your kids until it's been a while and you're sure.
When I don't have my son I do all the things that are difficult to do with him in tow. Take long baths, spoil myself, catch up with friends, go for really long walks. Participate in hobbies etc. it's a great time to discover who you are, beyond a mum. Because when you are a mum it's too easy to forget who you are.
Hi, I'm the poster, thanks for your answers. My roster is a changing one, it follows a 3-cycle pattern. So anything I do has to be non-committal hence not joining meetup yet. Maybe I'll just have to lump it til the end of the year. I am studying too, 3 uni subjects and that is keeping me busy but I guess still get those negative thoughts. I'm not quite ready to date yet, as I loved my husband and if I can just get the sad thoughts out of my head I think I'll enjoy working on me a bit
If it's all fresh and new (the break-up) it can take some time to grieve etc. it is ok to be sad, as long as you don't get stuck in one part of the grieving process you will be ok.
Meet-up you don't have to attend every week, so if you go to one and then miss a couple of weeks it usually no big deal.
It does make it much harder to get things going with changing shifts.
You'll have to make an effort to find things on and plan things for those days.
You're still hurting, but in time you will really appreciate this time.
For now work towards getting there. Start doing things for you, that work on your goals, even if it's hard and you don't really want to, and in time you'll fully enjoy it.