So i am stuck with a situation i don't know how to get out of without hurting my kids.
A year ago i was dating a man who seemed great, he was nice, treated me and the kids well, he owns his own home has a reliable job etc. But now I can't stand him. He has become a little controlling, but only that he one day stopped letting me drive (i am a learner driver) so that i could get my licence despite having my own car . He has next to no simple logic skills and is actually kind of stupid. Any attempt at somewhat intelligent conversation with him has resulted in him saying stuff like "if I wanted to debate I would have joined a debating team" and "I don't care" He got me kicked out of my last home by partially flooding it because I put cardboard down to kill off weeds and grass to start a garden and for some reason he decided to water the cardboard and leave the sprinkler on for more than 12 hours while we went to spend the night at his house so I didn't notice until it was too late. Then there's the sex issues, he at least once a week has sex with me while I am asleep and saying that he thought I was awake. I have repeatedly told him to stop, and on a couple occasions recently I have faked being asleep to see what happens, and he would ask if I was awake a couple times, yet with no answer he would do it anyway. He is driving me crazy, but the problem is that because I had to move due to him I am too far from shops etc. to get around without driving so I have to rely on him as he won't let me get my licence, and I wouldn't be able to afford taxis to get around all the time. On top of that there is another problem. My kids love him, every morning they wake up and ask where he is when he is at work, most of the time they want him more than me. I don't know how to end the relationship without hurting them or being stuck at home all day every day due to my inability to get around easily especially as my 4 year old has a lot of medical appointments.
How to end a relationship without hurting my kids.
How to end a relationship without hurting my kids.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
5 Replies
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Honestly your kids will adjust, they will be disappointed at first but they will get over it.
Secondly nothing will ever change until you kick him out. Because you won't get your lisvence until you kick him out. Get him out, fast track those driving lessons. Otherwise you might as well sell the car and use the money for taxis.
You can do this but you have to take the first step.
If he lives somewhere else how is he stopping you getting you lisvence??? Just do it, but don't tell him about it. Don't even tell the kids if you can get away with it.
Contact a DV support group. The fact he is controlling you sounds like a DV situation to me. Find out what support you can get.
There are services in place that can help you get out! There are women's west in vic as well as a few others. Always trust your instincts. There are resources to help you and bubs get to appointments. You don't need to tell your babies the ins and outs of things, keeps saying he has gone to work. Again, always trust yourself!!
Your kids love him?? Oh no, that's your last consideration!! He is an unhealthy person, so bad for you. They don't know him and what he's doing and thats why THEY DON'T MAKE THE CHOICE!! They're not making the choice and you should never put that on them. You make the adult decisions.Your kids will manage, and thrive with a healthy mum. They get through it don't even consider this.
Find a house and move!! Get a place in town where you have public transport or can walk.
Yuck! I'd be out of that place so fast I'd leave burn marks on the floor. I'm pretty sure having sex with someone while they are asleep means they don't have consent! That's rape.
He'd get away with it once. Just vile.
As for your kids they will adjust. Hurting is a part of life we all have to deal with it. You will manage because you have to.
Just leave. There are services you can access to help you. Do it.
Do it now!
You are in an abusive relationship.
What he is doing to you is Domestic Violence.
He's raping you.
He's mentally abusing you (that's why you feel like you are going crazy)
He's turning you into a co-dependant by not letting you get your licence.
He's isolated you by causing a flood and you having to move far away from anything.
In regards to your kids loving him and wanting him more than you! (He's love bombing them and will eventually turn them against you - it's text book what these abusers do!
Google the Cycle of Abuse Wheel and you'll see the patterns. And you'll see why you should NEVER fall for their begging and them promising the world. The more you let them get away with, the more chances you give them, the worse the abuse gets!
You must get out but PLEASE do not let him know you are doing this! Get out and get safe! Call DV Connect! I'm sending a personal message to the admin of this page to send to you, you can personally contact me if you like and I will drive to get you myself if that's what it will take.
If this is year ONE with this man, I'd hate to think what 8 years down the track will look like! Please, PLEASE do not get pregnant to this monster! RUN!!!