Hi IM's, I've been with my partner for 9 months now, he's great and a genuine nice guy. So nice in fact that he's borderline naive. He can't say no to anyone who needs his help, which is admirable to a point, my issue is with a specific woman who messages and rings him daily it seems asking him for advice on men, quite obviously flirts with him and tries to get him to engage in inappropriate conversations which he just laughs off. He says he's too nice to tell her to F off, and his advice to her is never honest, it's always nice to spare her feelings which just enables her I think to keep messaging him (she's desperate for a boyfriend, sends these men she meets/sleeps with sexually explicit texts and photos and wonders why they only want to be friends with benefits, also sent a copy of said text to my boyfriend to see what he thought about it). She has a reputation around town. I'm not so much concerned about him, he tells me the content of messages etc. I just don't know what to do about her though. I'm not going to tell him he can't message her, that's his choice, but I feel like she's overstepping boundaries of friendship with a partnered man. How do I let this not bother me? I kind of feel sorry for her really. She's also stalked my Facebook page and asked him questions about things I've posted and assumed I was having a go at his ex (wrong, we get along fine). So frustrating!!
4 Replies
I think you are being naive. I'm sorry this is not HER problem this is HIS problem.
It's not your place to monitor her behaviour. It's your boyfriends job to monitor his. If he can't set boundaries and stick to them then He is the problem.
I know he is being open and honest with you but it's not ok and you should expect him to set clear boundaries with male and female friends when it comes to inappropriate behaviours and conversations.
You shouldn't have to be 'OK' with this.
Whaaaaaa.
I think it's both their problems.
If I want to ask advice about men the last person I'd ask is a man who I know is in a relationship! She has issues and is being extremely insensitive. She definitely needs to back off.
Your bf needs to set boundaries and he's not doing her any favours by responding to her messages. He should just ignore them. She will soon get the message. If he's too nice to do it though maybe you should tell him how you feel. Then at least he is aware.
Yeah its not her its him. It's weakness that you're seeing as a strength, but it puts you and your relationship last and upsets you.
Tell him to grow some balls if he thinks you're worth it, then do the right thing for you.
My husband used to be like this with one of his ex's. She would ring him with any drama her life had it got to the point he was putting her and her new born ahead of his family. I laid it out you choose thank goodness he chose us. I told her to rack off and we havnt seen or heard her ever again. Sometimes it is they are just too nice. My husband cant even say no to door knockers.