Hi IM's, I need help in getting over the fact my husband doesnt want anymore children.
We have 2 healthy children - 1 boy and 1 girl. My husband has made it very clear he doesnt want any more. I on the other hand dont feel complete and really want just 1 more. We have discussed it and I understand his reasons but it doesnt stop me wanting another one. I suffered pnd after having my last child and didnt enjoy the first couple months so I think this is another reason I want another one. We could afford another child as we live comfortably but hubby is happy with just 2.
How do I get past this.... family members are all getting pregnant and im so excited about it but at the same time it makes me upset that its not us.
4 Replies
You need to grieve it.
We need to stop thinking of feelings as evil and something that needs to 'go away fast'.
I chose to stop at one for very good health, mental, financial reasons. And the feeling didn't go magically away even though I'm the one that made the choice.
You feel the feelings, that's what you do, you remind yourself that you've got a fantastic family and that you love your children and husband. You remind yourself of the negatives of another baby. Sleepless nights, changing nappies, etc.
At some point you get to the point you really are done. Where you can't imagine wanting to do the sleepless nights, crying babies, vomitting and projectile pooping.
we as women cant control those feelings, we try to with not thinking about it, selling all baby gear, sleepless nights etc but at the end of the day you cant just change the way your heart feels. Its very tricky and l went through it myself with feeling number 3 was missing. It took a few yrs of trying to figure out what my heart longed for but it did get to the point that my husband also felt 2 wasnt enough. It was a huge decision at the time but we eneded up going with our hearts and it was the best thing we did! there is a 4yr gap between 2 and 3 and it was all ment to be. When we had number 4 oops was a whole different story.... omg the fear l had was devastating but that too has all worked out for the best 2 boys and 2 girls , couldnt be happier although a little over whelped at times. 3 in actual fact doesnt feel too much different to 2!!!
The only thing l can suggest is hanging in there and giving it more time, men start to feel pressured even if in actual fact they arent being pressured, maybe long term he will see how much another would mean to you and let the fear go like my hubby did. Dont give up hope.... all the best
I feel you. Although I have only 1 child, I am desperate for another and my husband flat out says no. It's heartbreaking.
I would love to tell you it gets easier and the feelings go away but for me it gets more desperate each month as the age gap grows bigger, and number 2 looks like a more and more distant dream.
At least you have 2, so they have a sibling to grow up with, but this feeling is something only you can decide when, if ever, to let go of.
I know in my heart I cant.
Good luck mumma
A friend was desperate for a third child... finally talked her hubby around... and fell pregnant with twins! Not what they were expecting!!