Okay, so I have two kids both girls 6&3, so we have one at school and little one at home. On the weekend my partner works so I'm often at home with them for 8 hours by myself and honestly sometimes I just don't want to do anything with them, I know it sounds terrible, but I'm so busy with school and housework and homework and reading and dinners during the week that when the weekend comes I'm tired and just want a chill out day, watch movies and relax and I thought that it was kind of normal, but recently a friend was discussing another friend of ours and how she doesn't give a shit about her kids because she expects them to entertain themselves ie go outside and play, colour in by themselves or play with toys by themselves and I felt like the biggest piece of poop because that's how I act on the weekend( not all weekend but just a day to do nothing), so my question is does it make me a bad mum to not constantly be entertaining my kids? ( I'm more speaking about my 6 year old) we walk to school everyday, she has all she needs to entertain herself and we do do things so I'm not MIA I'm just not really wanting to go to the park or do crafts and arts every weekend, I just feel really shitty now that I'm failing my kids, mummy's with older kids/ teenagers I'd love to hear especially from you about how you raise your kids and the impacts you feel it's had
6 Replies
No way are you failing your kids! If your kids can entertain themselves that's bloody brilliant. You've taught them a hugely important life skill.
Kids need to learn how to entertain them selves so when they are adults and can't afford to keep buying experiences they can cope and aren't constantly in need of feedback from someone to cope with life.
Good for you mum!
Not at all, everybody needs some down time kids included!
There's a big difference between having a quiet rest day, compared to doing it constantly and having your kids getting used to you not being present or not doing anything.
If you feel like your kids can't do it, try setting them up with an activity/ challenge or a few and let them know this is going to happen before it happens and set out your expectations and until when.
If they're happy, and you are, it sounds perfect! screw what anyone else thinks!
No way! I don't think parents need to be playing with or doing arts and crafts with their kids 24/7. Kids need to learn how to play on their own. It's not like you're out partying while they're playing by themselves...you are doing a fine job.
No you're not a shit mum for wanting a rest and a break? When is your day off, huh? When do you get time to recharge? When do you get time to shut off and be alone? Like most of us, you're probably always "on". Am I right?
If your kids are happy playing by themselves, and safe, leave them to it and take some time out! Sounds like your friend might be feeling a tad jealous of mothers who can take that time. Maybe her kids won't play alone.
I recently had a bit of a revelation in terms of my own situation. Without going into too much detail, I'm being treated for anxiety. After being on medication for a while and calming down a bit, and starting counselling I realised I too, am always "on". I have one child. She's 4.5 and we pretty much always have to play with her (it was our decision not to have more kids so we kinda have to suck it up until she's old enough to play by herself) unless she's having some screen time. I'm an introvert. I find socialising draining. Yes, even with my own child. I need alone time. Hubby and I have an agreement. When he's home, I get to go out and look in all the shops I don't get time in with our daughter. I get to just be alone and not talk to anyone. Just a couple of hours is all I need to feel a bit more sane!
Well if you're a crappy parent, then so am I. I spend all of sunday cleaning, baking and organising and of course tending to the kids needs. I definitely don't spend every waking moment entertaining then. Thank god they are pretty willing to entertain themselves. My husband is definitely much more hands on in the play department then i am, even though i am the sah parent. I just feel i am always with them, feeding, cooking, cleaning, reading and homework so it kinda takes the fun out of wanting to do all those fun activities with them. And quiet frankly I'm exhausted!
Hell no! Your kids are learning to enjoy their own company, entertain themselves and be a bit independent. Those are all good things! One of the biggest compliments I ever received was when I was camping and another parent commented how happy my daughter was to play on her own for so long - he said if it was his kids, they would be all over him whinging about how bored they were! I do some stuff with my daughter but when I want time on my own, I tell her to occupy herself. And if she whinges that she is bored, I remind her there is always housework to be done ;)