I left my abusive partner last year after years of torment. After seeking counselling and he refused and I really decided I could do no more and left. At first I was so keen to keep the peace I let him have 50/50 custody. But now the control issues are reappearing and I have genuine concerns for our children's wellbeing. He says the children are fine with him, which our older one is ok but youngest I can't get to sleep in my new house. He also says he will only agree to 50/50 custody, nothing else unless he moves. I have no family support where his mother has the children when they are in his care to take them to school, daycare and appointments. I didn't have that option and have less potential to earn as I have no one to help care for the kids out of hours.He won't compromise, often doesn't return things and berates me for having depression, saying I can't look after myself and the kids are better with him. I had depression as a result of his behaviour and seeing the kids less, which I've been treated for, and have no problems looking after myself or the children. I've sought family dispute resolution , which is a very slow process to get started, but feel sick every time the kids go back. I don't think he'd hurt the kids physically but he is known for emotional and psychological abuse. How is it fair that I was the primary caregiver, I fled my home and have to leave my children behind? (Sort of). He also says it's my fault that our toddler won't sleep at my house because he's obviously more comfortable at his home where he has lived since a baby. He's began a new relationship and I'm worried for both her and our children. Sorry for the long rant, but I'm concerned that mediation is not going to do anything. Any suggestions?
2 Replies
Look for support groups in your area and see legal aid to get the visiting times in a court agreement. Ask for communication in writing and record everything. Maybe try letting your youngest sleep in the older child's Ronon or in your room until he is comfortable - I wouldn't put it past an abusive partner to tell a small child scary stories about your house to disrupt your new life.
Thanks so much, there's a lot I couldn't include in the post as it would be too long. Youngest is doing very well the last few days in his own bed while I sit close by reassuring him. I have just got a diary to record everything in and ex has just started with dispute resolution so will see how it goes. I'd definitely agree to 50/50 if I thought it was in the children's best interests, as I do enjoy my new me time but I want it to be good for the children too.