How do i forgive myself ... this weekend just past was one of the most terrifying of my life since being a parent. I had been up all fri night with our youngest with a temp and the beginnings of the flu treated accordingly with panadole cool shower and hydrolyte. Sat morning he woke up the same treated the exact same. I went to work and left kids with hubby told him youngest was due to have panadole at 12 and i would txt to remind him.
I got a call at 12pm from hubby saying the youngest has had a seizure and was in an ambulance going to hospital. I dropped everything and bolted for the car to get to the hospital as fast as poss. Because my husband had our other child and had to pick our oldest up from a party he put the youngest 2yrs old in the ambos by him self to get him to hospital asap. I caught up to ambos in my car and followed them to hospital.
By the time we got to hospital my 2yr old had regained some conciousness and was totally freaked out waking up to strangers. Ill never forget the blood curdling scream from him calling for mummy. I feel so utterly guilty he had to do the ambo trip by him self. Hubby couldnt leave our middle child at home by himself and none of our neighbours where home to watch our middle child.
I know in my head we did the best we could have done at the time to make sure everyone was safe but i still feel guilty.
Since coming home my 2yr old has woken up numerous times during the night or after his sleep calling for mummy. You can see it has really effected him waking up to no one he recognizes. Which doesnt help with the guilt of everything that happened.
I have spoken to the drs and asked if their was somthing we could have done differently they have assured me nothing we did or didnt do would have helped. That his temp just went so high so quickly it was his bodies reaction. Even during our hospital stay of 3 days with IV antibiotics and panadole his temp still hit 40 three times.
It all makes sense in my head i just cant stop feeling guilty.
3 Replies
You really need to stop! You can't feel guilty for things you can't control. It's not like one of you decided you couldn't be bothered going to the hospital with him. YES I have heard of parents doing that, no other kids, just decided to take the time off!
Ive also been in the hospital with my son and had kids in the bed next to him whose parents didn't visit for 3 days! That is something to feel guilty about.
As to the febrile convulsion, my son had several. Yes you did nothing wrong some kids are more prone to them than others and pretty much impossible to prevent other than what you'd already were doing. My son was particularly prone and his temps would regularly reach 44 which was very scary!
My son would often come around very confused and upset even with me there. So please don't beat yourself up about it. It's quite possible he would have been distressed anyway.
My daughter broke her leg when she was three. I was working on a wedding cake due the next morning. I was there so I went in the ambulance. Hubby took our other daughter in his car. She was dosed up on morphine and fast asleep. My wedding cake wasn't closed to finished and it was already 7pm.. our other daughter was 4 and she was dead tired. So I decided to take her home, finish my work and I figured they'd just put a cast on her leg? Well they ended up having to put her under anesthetic and REBREAK her leg, straighten it and splint it. I was balling my eyes out at home with my daughter. She wanted me. My husband came home and cried about just seeing her that way. I still feel guilt for going to finish that F'ing cake. I just kept thinking "oh my gosh I can't leave these ppl without their wedding cake". BUT my husband was there. He's her Dad. I'm always the one that's there for the kids and in this instance it was him. Don't feel guilty. Your son will be ok. Your hubby did the right thing. We can't be everywhere at once.
My girl had to go in the ambulance by herself. I had the baby and had to take the car and there was no other option. They put an iv in and gave injections and.oxygen without me with there. Just so you know, it happens. They had the best people with them, and we were waiting for cuddles when they were ready. You have to do what you have to do.