Is financial stress a reasonable reason to break up or just kind of kicking him while he's down?
His job is stable but he's always been paid so little and working for family they've backed him into a corner.
Note: me working would cost my wage per week in childcare. I also work casually at home.
Few more details.
We can't afford to put food on the table. I've been collecting food from charities for about a year now to get by.
Although applying for over 40 rentals in the past 7 months nothing has come of it and we have been declined each time.
Our rent has since climbed to almost 60% of our family income and still applying for each rental that comes up we've just not been able to offer what other are- which my agent has told me is a month in advance on top of bond to secure a place.
We don't live in a flash suburb but I'm assuming due to the financial hardship of so many they've moved out to the slums where we are and owners have been able to increase prices due to demand.
My partner feels he 'owes' his uncle as he gave him a job 8 years ago and is frequently walked all over to made to feel like this is it for life.
his family pressure him to keep it up knowing we are about to lose everything.
After 8 years his wage went from $16 an hour to $21.50 an hour (after I lost my cool at them for taking advantage of him) for hard labour. He is 26 years old. Other companies are offering $25min an hour for the same work.
My mental health is declining rapidly. I feel unhappy but feel unsure if leaving due to financial stress is even fair on him who works so hard (just has no backbone or desire to do well in the future)
8 Replies
I suppose it depends, you can leave for whatever reason you want and don't have to justify your choice to anyone.
Some questions I'd ask myself though
-could he be paid better and do the same job somewhere else?
-is he hanging on to the job because it's family or that he genuinely likes the work?
-is he on a low wage or are we genuinely doing it tough (one persons tough is not being able to feed kids, another persons tough is not being able to buy a 4 bedroom home)
-will things improve in a few years when kids go to school
- did I already know the situation it and got into it anyway?
Thanks for the extra information.
You don't have to justify leaving to anyone. But for what it's worth I think if you would be better off financially then leave.
yes, financial stress is a reason. If things just don't come together and you can't support your family and live comfortably, nobody can sustain that kind of stress and lifestyle.
Somethings got to give.
You could work and he could drop to part time and look after children.
Also people throw around how much labourer get paid but it's not easy to get, the jobs don't last it's on and off and always looking for new work with different conditions. If he's got a good thing with his uncle it might be better keeping it, unless youre moving area.
From my experience, if you try everything and no matter what you try nothing works, It's probably because of the relationship not the finances. Because it's not actually that hard to get a job and pay your bills, even on 21 an hour. It's the human factor that makes it so hard. I've been through it, I tried for years, we moved we changed jobs, did courses, always trying, never working it out. I've seen a friend go through it too, it was so much clearer from the outside looking in. They're separated now as well.
It's definitely a valid reason to leave (and I wouldn't blame you if you did) but maybe it's more a time to put your heads together and work out a way out of your hole? Maybe it will mean him moving on from this job, or you taking something when he's home to look after the kids? Is the pay better in similar jobs like his? Are the family screwing him or is it just what he can expect from that industry? I understand feeling beholden to the family but you've gotta do what's best for yours! If that's breaking up with hubby because he won't consider change, then maybe that's best.
I'd do everything I could first to get a better outcome for my family. You're doing what you can to make ends meet so kudos to you, you've put up with this bullshit for far too long. Rentals are tough, first if you don't yet, get references from people you know. I wrote one for a woman I worked with, I've never rented to her, never been close friends and only saw her home once but it was immaculate so when she needed to move she used references to secure a rental. You want things like clean, careful, house-proud etc, the landlord wants someone who will respect and protect their investment - be that person. Also check if you will qualify for a bond loan, being low income I expect you would, if not try asking around the local charities as I believe it's not only government authorities that provide them. Then try to get just two weeks in advance saved up and don't touch it, with everything else if you're the right person, it is enough. Next wages, have you researched the AWARD wage for what your partner does? Not what others pay but the actual award rate. If your partner was being paid less than the award then he can go to the uncle and say I've shown my loyalty and I feel it was abused being underpaid for all this time. Give the uncle the opportunity to catch up (check the super too as it also would have been under paid) and maintain a reasonable wage. If not, go to fairwork to recoup monies owed but realise this is probably going to cost him his job and possibly family relationships. If it turns out he wasn't actually underpaid but just poorly paid he may have to understand he has already done more for his uncle than most would and that it's time to move on so he can support his own family. Finally, if needed don't discount your ability to work. I worked night shift in a factory for 7 years to help support our family, no childcare needed as it worked out one of us was home.
I wish I lived somewhere that had the opportunity for night time work! Well almost any full time work would do....
Really look into everything in your area. I live in a rural town of less than 6K residents, there just happens to be an abattoir nearby.
Your names not Megan is it?