My eldest boy just started kindergarten and is having a few issues settling in. Now I know its very common for some children, but his issues seem a bit more difficult then the norm. He's always been somewhat shy and reluctant to interact in new environments even when other children are more then happy to play with him. I'm always having to push him to talk and mingle. The past 2 weeks at school he's slowly coming out of his shell and isn't as shy as before. He does cry an awful lot though. His teacher asked to speak me today after school and she explained her concerns on how he starts to cry when the class has an activity involving numbers and letters. He does this with me also. I've subscribed to a program called Reading Eggs which I'm finding so amazing and it's really clicking with him. When he's doubtful on some answer as obvious as it is he starts crying. He has no confidence. I feel horrible did I do this? He's my eldest of three and is a complete control freak at home. Constantly guiding his brother and sister, making games and instructing them on how to play. He's fine to do his own thing but come homework time he crumbles. He is generally a perfectionist so I'm thinking maybe as he's not confident in his abilities as yet it saddens him? It's really upsetting and disheartening to watch as a lot of the other children in his class haven't even turned 5 yet and can do most activities with no issue. He wouldn't even cooperate during the Best Start Assessment so his teacher had to call me in to sit with him as he wouldn't stop crying. He even told her that he doesn't know how to count when he can do so very well. Why is he doing this! And what can I do to help him?
2 Replies
It sounds like he has a lack of confidence, and being a perfectionist he will be very hard on himself and very uncomfortable learning because he needs to admit he doesn't know something and risk being wrong. He probably won't say yes he can do something until he can do it completely and mostly perfectly. So hes probably feeling very out of his depth and not liking it.
Take the focus off 'can you do something', that is a very Strange question because when do you finish being able to read and write? Who can read every single word? Who can 'do maths'? break it down into small goals and instead of rewarding accomplishment that's in the past and perfection, value trying and making smart guesses even if it's totally wrong. Try to say yes not no, even if it's wrong it's a good try.
This might need some assistance from a child psychologist - I would discuss with your doctor and get a referral.
However, at home, heap praise the efforts, not the outcomes. Let him see Mum and Dad mess up and get things wrong. Validate his feelings but show him that there is always an opportunity to get things right.