Edit.
I'd like to mention before you read that my OH has made it clear he regrets our daughter. He finds her annoying and a 'brat'. She's 5 months old.
He refuses to hold her let alone watch either of the girls or put effort into them.
This is all from the man who used to cuddle my daughter and asked me if he could be her dad as her bio father cut her out at birth.
Very different man from then to now.
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Lost.
Two years ago I moved with my daughter from my 'dream' life in a nice rainforesty type place close to the beach. We had little money and no tv but we were happy every single day.
My ex bf from a few years prior came to see us as he found I wasn't far from where he was holidaying.
I agreed to meet up as there was no negativity with us.
We were still in love it turned out and he asked me to move back down south 12 hours.
I was hesitant but agreed as he promised a happy family life.
Well that lasted up until I had our daughter. This city is beyond expensive and we were struggling as it was. His boss was cutting his pay and once our daughter came it was like I didn't even know him.
He says mean things, he doesn't care that we are in some serious debt and had no desire to work extra hours at a supermarket (or something similar) to help pull us out of the debt. We ant afford child care so I've stayed home and take casual work as it comes up.
This amazing life he promised me is non existent.
He recently 'proposed' to me by throwing a box at me and then I find he's taken out a $4k loan for it...
Like we can bloody afford that?!?!?!
He uses sex to control situations and honestly I just cannot afford to leave. I save $30 a week as that's all I have left over each week.. It totals less than $1000 which won't get us far.
But I can't afford to stay- his laziness and lack of concern with mounting bills will end up with our possessions repossessed.. I'm not happy anymore and want my old life back (with the inclusion of my beautiful second daughter of course!)
I don't know what I'm even asking, I think it's more reaching out for help before I break.
I'm so unhappy every single day.
My girls deserve a happy mama and I'm just not that.
I'm so broken.
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
3 Replies
Did you know that men can get post natal depression, too?
Financial stress and failing to provide for your family can also cause serious depression..
It doesn't excuse his behaviour, but it might help explain it.
Have you spoken to him about how you feel?
He might be willing to work on the relationship.
Maybe moving to an area where you wouldn't have to struggle with finances as much could help.
But if the relationship is well and truly over, it doesn't matter if you have zero dollars or a million dollars.
Leaving a negative relationships is important and there are places out there that'll help you get back on your feet.
Your girls do deserve a happy mum, and you deserve a happy you!
And only you can decide what path to go down to make your life 'happy'.
Good luck with whatever direction you go x
Do you have any friends or family that are prepared to put you up while you get yourselves back on your feet? That way you just need to get there, don't worry about belongings etc other than documents and clothes.
Is he happy for you to break up? Will he agree to being separated under the same roof so you can get some funds together so you can leave?
https://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/forms/ss293
Are you entitled to a bond loan or similar??
Read the first bit again - dream life! Simple house, poor but happy.
You can and should go back to that.
Being with a man shouldn't change that, he should enhance your life not make it bad. It seems hard and impossible but Once you're out you'll make it work be so glad.