I'm so desperate for advice. My 8 week old baby is incredibly hard. I cannot put him down at all without him crying. I can't go to the toilet without him screaming. He screams the entire way in the car for school drop off/pick up for my other child. I'm living on a diet of biscuits as that's something I can grab with 1 hand and eat through the day (brilliant after baby weight-loss so far, but hardly healthy!). I never leave him cry, he gets frantic very quickly.
I've tried colic drops, gripe water, infacol and Thompson's wind drops, as he does get quite gassy. I've tried infant gaviscon under the direction of my health nurse, so it's not reflux. He sleeps great at night, only waking 2 sometimes 3 times.
My partner helps the best he can when he gets home from work, but often he's tired and finds it hard to have much patience. He works very hard and provides for our family financially, but I'm feeling overwhelmed by having to take care of everything else, making sure our 1st child gets the attention they need and trying to cope with a constantly screaming, high needs baby. I have no other support.
I am breaking!! I'm bawling as I write this. I am not coping and am becoming afraid at how thin my patience is wearing.
8 Replies
As he been checked for lactose intolerance?
Is there a family member who can help out.
Forget the house work, forget anything but feeding the kids.
Head back to your GP tomorrow. Ring lifeline if you need someone to talk to
Have you tried baby wearing? That way you can cook and eat whilst wearing the baby and not have to put them down. You can get some really comfortable baby harnesses you'll barely be able to tell they are there. Do you have a rocker or a baby swing that vibrates or rocks on it's own? They are quite helpful and saved me when my third was born she barely settled because I was always stressed out. Have you tried a baby chiropractor or spoken to your health nurse about it?
Take him to the gp or health centre. Theres a reason he's screaming like that. Keep going until you find out and figure out how to make it better. Dr's told me with my first it was normal and we suffered through now that I have a second I really see it absolutely is not.
Oh I feel for you! It is hard work, and I can imagine extremely distressing. It might be that he just wants to be with you, it might settle after the first three months but I do have a few suggestions.
Are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding? Is there a chance he's tongue or lip-tied and/or taking in a lot of air as he feeds? If he hasn't been checked for that, ask the child health nurse to check.
Do you notice it's better or worse depending on what you've eaten (if breastfeeding)? Perhaps he's reacting to something in his or your diet which is making his tummy sore.
When he's being carried does he prefer a certain position? Upright? On his belly? Does he scream less when laying flat than when he's in his car seat?
I definitely suggest a baby carrier or sling (something quick like a Tula) so when you're at home you can get stuff done and prepare food etc. In the car, is he in a capsule, or a convertible car seat? Can you see if he prefers a different type of seat?
Have you got anyone who can come over during the day and hold bub for you just to give you some touch-free time and be with you? You sound like you desperately need to decompress. Speak with your child health nurse or the hospital you gave birth in and see if there's any parent help available if there is really no other support in your life.
Finally, if you find yourself at breaking point and you're alone with bub, pop him down somewhere safe and take 5 minutes. I know he'll get himself worked up but sometimes you need to walk away for a couple of minutes. I don't believe in leaving babies to cry normally but if it's between you losing it and him losing it - choose him, at least for a few minutes.
Take care, IM xxxxxx
Wear that baby!! I second this. My second and third children were exactly like this. It was sooo hard so I really do feel for you. Ask your Mum/sister/friend over a couple of times a week at least so they can help you with bub.. Or even just hold him so you can get a break. I had noone and that made in ten times as hard. Ask for help if you can! I got through it, by wearing my babies everywhere. They didn't cry when they were on me. It was literally the only time. Those two kids are now extremely bright. So all I can put it down to, was them being very 'aware' for their age. I killed myself trying to find a 'reason' as to why they were like that. But they were just hard. Google 'high needs babies'. And know, that it DOES get easier. It WILL get better. Take one day at a time. ASK FOR HELP.
My daughter is now 4 months old but I could've written this at 8 weeks as well. Firstly, Sending big hugs. You are not alone.
It may not help to hear this but it's actually very normal 8 week old behaviour and *might not be caused by anything. (Not a medical opinion but for lots it was just 8 week old behaviour! Check out the wonder weeks app).
I had my husband make sure I had a stash of healthy as possible muesli bars, apples, up and gos and other easy but healthy snacks for the days I couldn't make lunch.
I put our vibrating chair in the bathroom and could usually get at least a few minutes to go to the toilet! I always had a bottle of water with me to keep my fluid up to make sure it didn't affect my milk supply and took fenugreek supplements.
Infant gaviscon is rubbish. It did nothing to help our babe, even tho she does have reflux! Not to mention it's a pain to make up from a powder when you have a screaming baby!!! Whoever made that didn't have a baby.
My baby screamed in the car too. Hated the pram and even baby wearing was not a sure thing for her. She doesn't take bottles and every bit of the regular advice you get did not work with her!!! I had no other support either, except an amazing online mothers group. They weren't in person but they provided an outlet for me in the tough times.
It was exhausting. I've started forgetting things already but that rings in my mind. For me, at least, my baby got to 11 weeks and it was like I had a new child. She calmed right down and became an absolute pleasure. It's so hard to believe sometimes, but this too shall pass.
My daughter is now 4 months old but I could've written this at 8 weeks as well. Firstly, Sending big hugs. You are not alone.
It may not help to hear this but it's actually very normal 8 week old behaviour and *might not be caused by anything. (Not a medical opinion but for lots it was just 8 week old behaviour! Check out the wonder weeks app).
I had my husband make sure I had a stash of healthy as possible muesli bars, apples, up and gos and other easy but healthy snacks for the days I couldn't make lunch.
I put our vibrating chair in the bathroom and could usually get at least a few minutes to go to the toilet! I always had a bottle of water with me to keep my fluid up to make sure it didn't affect my milk supply and took fenugreek supplements.
Infant gaviscon is rubbish. It did nothing to help our babe, even tho she does have reflux! Not to mention it's a pain to make up from a powder when you have a screaming baby!!! Whoever made that didn't have a baby.
My baby screamed in the car too. Hated the pram and even baby wearing was not a sure thing for her. She doesn't take bottles and every bit of the regular advice you get did not work with her!!! I had no other support either, except an amazing online mothers group. They weren't in person but they provided an outlet for me in the tough times.
It was exhausting. I've started forgetting things already but that rings in my mind. For me, at least, my baby got to 11 weeks and it was like I had a new child. She calmed right down and became an absolute pleasure. It's so hard to believe sometimes, but this too shall pass.
If your formula feeding try a lactose free formula. Lactose intolerance can give baby's colic like symptoms and is the main cause according to our local pharmacy. It's worked for my kids.