Vent and tried and true helpful advice needed.
My ex is in a new relationship which I support as he is happy so he is a better daddy and seems happier and less stressed. My problem is my little miss is starting to act out, become super clingy and is missing daddy as he spends his weekends including the new friend in what they do and her son.
Little miss likes her and her son and is happy when she comes home or so it seems except she is melting down when daddy leaves, wants daddy to stay and have sleep overs and is starting to act out at school.
I have done this with her brother when daddy left he developed anxiety and very violent behaviour. I have been to a psych for him and his school is very supportive of him and helps him settle back into school after going to dads every second weekend. I am jumping on her behaviour with daycare immediately as I understand what is happening better so communication books and looking at getting help for her so she can talk/express her feelings without being violent.
I am calm and have her attached to my hip after a visit. We ring daddy and talk to him which helps but it's getting worse. I am trying all the strategies I used with my son but it's different this time as there is someone else not just he left. She is just 4 and is acting like her place in her world has just been ripped out from under her. I let dad know what's happening and try my hardest to stay factual as in she said this and melted down for this long, behaviours etc no I blame you, no get rid of her I want him to be happy and she seems to be good with the kids. I guess after only a few weeks having someone stay over all weekend is a bit much for little miss. Yep it's been under 2 months of seeing her with the kids in tow so they are still trying to settle in and have the kids around I was hoping they would spend their own time with each other and get the first few months of intense new relationship love done and then start with the whole kid thing but it's not happening it seems. It's their circus and monkeys to control not mine as long as the kids are ok but my little miss is not ok!
She was coping so well with every second weekend is spent with daddy and her brother and now .... It's not good no matter how much routine and stability I offer I can't fix this it seems. How do I stop her spinning out of control without destroying a working co-parenting relationship with her father or him giving up a new partner?? We have been doing every second weekend for a bit over a year and a half too so it's not like we just separated we have worked at this so it's good for the kids but now it seems to be falling down fast.
3 Replies
He doesn't need to give up his new partner he needs to make sure he is spending time with the kids alone though without the new partner. This is super important wether the relationship is new or 10years long. All kids need time with there parents without others involved. It makes them feel less shoved to the side.
If you don't feel comfortable saying that to him, might be time to get a psych involved for your daughter and the psych can tell him!!!
Yes I don't want this relationship to end he is happy and I want that for him! I'm thinking coming from a professional might have more impact as he may think I'm sabotaging it which I truely am not I'm not wanting him back just the kids to be settled and happy. Thank you for your kind reply and for helpful advice
He doesn't have to leave the woman but he has to make sure the kids are introduced at their pace, and its not, so he needs to take a step back and take it slower and spend more time as dad and daughter instead of this new sudden 'family unit'. Even if they were a family unit he will need to spend one on one time with her. Maybe you could make these suggestions to him, that she is not coping and needs some special attention, say they've come from the therapist if it makes it less like youre blaming him and hating on her.