My ex partner, has become an alcoholic in the last 5 years. We split 12 years ago, and he has not worked in that time. He owns his own house (inherited), and has never paid child support. When I realised how bad his drinking was in mid 2013, I stopped his child minding duties (after school while I work) as it was not a good environment for our then 10 year old. He had been estranged from his family for 5years prior to this. When I realised the depth of his problem I appealed to his family for help. they were concerned and communicative at the beginning, but have since turned on me, saying that I am to blame for his drinking as I am a gold digger, who left him etc. etc.
His family gained Power of Attorney over his finances, and the arrangements we had in place for sharing costs of school fees, and extra curricular activities is no longer being honoured, When I try to talk to him about it, he claims he has no control and to talk to his sister. (he seems scared of her) he has several hundred thousand dollars in the bank (inherited also) and his family give him a $300 per week allowance from that, which he spends and alcohol, cigarettes and junk food. Our friendship has suffered and I have very little respect for him, but I don't want him to drink himself to death, I want him to get well and get back his good relationship with his daughter and with me. His family seem happy to let him live in squalor and drink himself into an early grave. They will not communicate with me about trying to get him into rehab, or child support or anything, not even responding to Christmas cards or txts regarding their nieces life. I feel if I cant find a way to help him soon, he will be dead within 18months. As his ex I have no power to force him into rehab. I don't know what to do for him, and it is stressing me severely.
ex's alcoholic decline
ex's alcoholic decline
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
1 Replies
You need to realise that even if you were still his wife or his parents you couldn't force him into rehab anyway. Unfortunately you just have to wait, and mourn and accept you have no control. It's his life and he gets to choose. No rehab would take him without him going volantarily, most detox units wouldn't take him without him making the phone call himself.
I know that sucks but in Australia we can't force medical care on anyone. We can't force people to stop drinking.
I know it's hard I've been though it with an ex. Let go of communicating with his family. The best thing you can do now is go get your self some counselling so you can start to let go and accept that yes he may die but it's not your choice when people die. It's his body and only he can choose. I know that must sound shocking, and it took me time to get there, but I realised me being stressed and anxious about his choices was doing me no good. In fact I had a nervous breakdown! And had to make a choice.
I'm now at a place where I don't have contact, and I'd feel sad if/when he died but I've accepted that is his choice and I tried really hard but I can't make him and I'm at peace with that. I of course wish that he'd get clean, and I would be doing a happy dance if I heard that news, but what he does or doesn't do doesn't is not my problem.
Don't make the mistake of thinking of his family as the bad guys. They are doing the best they can. You don't know what they have tried or conversations they have had behind the scenes.
If you are financially strapped go get legal advice on wether you can claim money from his funds, through child support or whatever. But I think at this time you really should let it go.