Well......... Where do I start. What do I actually say. I posted something the other day. I was very overwhelmed at the time. I DID NOT write in to get "PITY" ("toot toot all aboard the pity train" ) nor did I write in for people to judge why contraceptive didn't work three times over. YES I BLOODY DID USE IT. I was in relationships with the last two fathers so it wasn't like a one night stand. Yes I did get unlucky with falling pregnant and if it hadn't have happened to me I wouldn't have believed it could happen either.
I thought this place was a supportive place but obviously I was wrong. To all that commented nasty stuff on my post are you all sitting there proud of yourselves now???? Are you feeling good that you have pushed someone further down to the ground????? Do you feel good about yourself that you have now made someone suicidal because of your negative comments?????? Do you feel good about yourselves now that you have made someone cry all day and all night worse then what she was because of your nasty comments??????? I sure as hell know I wouldn't feel good about making someone feel like that.
Yes!!!! I chose to sleep with them!!! But I was in a relationship with two of the three , does that mean it's still solely my responsibility if I fall pregnant does it???? Or is it my fault that one ended in bad domestic violence did it???? Maybe I should've had an abortion after falling pregnant (whilst on contraceptive)??????? Is this what you guys are all suggesting. Yes I made certain choices but I sure as hell didn't choose to be a single mum. I went to the GP after my second child because I wanted a hysterectomy because I didn't want to fall pregnant on the many contraceptive devices I have tried. But guess what. Did you know they don't do hysterectomies anymore unless it's a medical reason (told by three different doctors before you start on me about that too). So basically you are all telling me to be in a sexless relationship then huh?? Could any of you do that (I beg to differ). Don't have sex at all for the rest of my life???? I'm sure not going to now because I'm 38 and have lost my desire for sex.
So basically after taking all precautions it's still my fault that their dad's want nothing to do with them?????? He gets off scot free does he???? It's solely the mothers responsibility is it???????
But thumbs up to you all. Well done. Thanks for pushing me further down. I would never put someone down the way you have. EVER!!!!!!
Shocked!!!!!
Shocked!!!!!
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
7 Replies
There will always be judgmental people out there, you have to make a decision to not listen to the bad shit. I know how hard it is. I have 4 kids to 2 different fathers. 3 with one and 1 with another. I get it all the time. I wasn't married to either of them, neither of them have anything to do with their kids and I don't get child support. It says a lot about society when it's ok to father a child then walk away with no consequences yet the mother who is left to raise the child on their own is the one considered to be a bad person. "She did it for the money..." ummm there's really not that much money in being a single parent, but hey if you choose to live below the poverty line then more fool you. "She should have got rid of it..." having an abortion isn't just a physical thing, it's a HUGE mental headfuck too.. I know, I had one when I was 16 and have never forgiven myself. "She should have used protection..." the ONLY 100% fail safe is abstinence, I'm a woman... I have needs and desires, if I want to have sex with my partner then I fucking well will! I too fell pregnant THREE times while taking the pill.. I swear that shit makes me MORE fertile lol. I've now had my tubes clamped and also have a mirena. NO more babies for me. You know full well the consequences of your actions, you look at your beautiful children every day. You are the better person because you are stepping up and taking care of what's yours. You deserve a huge pat on the back for doing so. Please try really hard to not let the hate get you down. Unless someone has lived what you live then their opinion doesn't matter. Rock on Mumma Bear xx
People can be assholes. Especially on social media. Taking the piss when you're reaching out for help, it's clear you're struggling, jeez the title was one word - STRUGGLING. You have to be an asshole to comment making a joke about your situation, like youre not a real person. I'm sorry.
I also want to say that you received a lot of very good comments and support and I hope you focus on them.
Good men do exist, and no, these men may have left you but they are still fathers and I can understand you feeling resentful for doing it all alone.
I hope you're seeing a gp or psychologist. You need to talk. Also, they will help you arrange your life and thoughts so that you are coping with parenting - and then who would you rather be, the mum who gets to be there every special moment for her three kids or the dad thats sitting on his couch, drinking beer, chilling out alone, doesn't even know what he's missing.
Please call someone today. This can all turn around! Go to your gp or call lifeline.
Honestly this why I stick to reading the comments on this page not Facebook. The Facebook posts can get so out of hand.
Now my response on here said. Yeah I get it, but you can't let it eat you up, and it sounds like it is eating you up. I was left holding the baby 21 years ago. So I understand.
You sounded close to loosing it when you posted and sound even closer to loosing it now.
So it's time to get yourself to your GP for a mental health care plan. Because although some shitty things have happened in your life you can't let it swallow you up and let it become who you are.
Please go to your GP today if possible.
I didn't comment on your last post, as I had no helpful advice. I am a child of a woman who has 4 children to 4 different men. I can tell you that I am not close to my siblings. The only man that wanted anything to do with us was my youngest sisters father. He was/is an amazing dad. My dad is a dead beat didn't pay maitenance and didn't want anything to do with my mother cause she's a crazy bitch. (She is I know ) but he also was violent so her leaving him was the best thing she could have done. When your a single mother you want the best for the kids. If the man is violent with you there's a chance he will be violent with his kids, do you really want to subject them to that?? Secondly yes they are your responsibility you chose to have them/ keep them even if the contraceptives you are on fail it is solely up to you weather you carry them full term and give birth to them. Even if you are in a relationship with the men you are responsible. Who's to say when they say what ever happens happens. That they really want the baby/kid. If you were on contraceptives and they failed who's to say that they were happy when you fell pregnant. Falling pregnant on contraceptives is a regular occurring thing. If your on the pill and antibiotics the pill will fail. If you're not taking it at the same time and every day it will fail. Condoms break, condoms fail. Some men rely on us to ensure our contraceptives work and work properly. Because they do not want the responsibility of children. They cannot handle it. And sometimes us women can't either. We want our time, we want to be free and do things just on our own. But when we become mothers we sign an invisible contract to love our children no matter what, to do and be everything we can for them dads don't sign those contracts they aren't like us. I am lucky my kids (all 3 to the same person) go to their dad's one day/night a week. I get to be free and party and be with my new partner kid free. But he wasn't always this nice. He'd take 2 but not the other or he'd take one and not the other 2 because they're hard work. He was also abusive he's changed, to late to win me back but he's changed. You can't expect/force a man to be in his kids lives you can only offer the opportunity for them to take part in the awesomeness of their children's lives. I'm sorry you've met such douches to fall pregnant to but if they were douches when you met them which is why things didn't work out how can you expect more out of them? Personally if I fell pregnant to a one night stand I would have aborted. One night stands are just that. He didn't want 18 to life. If he did he would have turned it into a relationship.
There always going to be judgemental twats that think they are the epitome of perfect but you have to be confident enough NOT to take all the negativity onboard babe... All I have to say is that NO! It's not OK for you to be judged and for the father to not face up to responsibilities... It take two to make a baby because it's not a one-man job to raise one! Keep your head up and to hell with those that want to hide behind a phone or a computer.
Thankyou everyone
Hello Anonymous - Kelly here from The Imperfect Mum team.
I'm sorry to hear about the unplesentaries on the question you posted. I'm not going to post this one onto Facebook, as I don't want to create anymore negativity - but I did go back and find your last question, tracked it down on facebook - and then banned two people who were clearly unkind in their responses.
Please understand that these people don't know you or your situation 100% - and I hope you don't let their nastiness and misunderstandings bring you down.
I did notice A LOT of positive responses too though - lots of 'contact me' and 'I've been here' responses - I hope these are encouraging to you and you've made a new friend or two because of this.
Biggest hugs - and hope you are doing better after the amazing responses you've had here too :-)
xKelly