Today I finally broke down in tears. I could hardly stop crying all morning. Our daughter's behaviour is so atrocious at the moment that we just don't know what to do anymore. We went to the GP and got a mental health plan and have already had 2 visits with the psychologist. She can be the most beautiful, loving, caring and helpful little girl. Fun to be around, happy and sweet. And then something goes wrong, or the painting isn't as good as she wants it to be, or it's free dress day and she doesn't like any of her clothes, or we ask her to do a job or to do something or other she doesn't want to do… and she LOSES IT. She shouts, screams, gets violent and gets super defiant and so so angry. We are walking on eggshells at every moment and it's just so hard. She is 7 this week and in year 2. This has been going on for a couple months, but there have been occasional glimpses of this along the way I suppose. She is adored at school - very well-behaved, listens well, plays well, does her work… never ever in trouble in any way. We start by calming asking her to go to her bedroom to calm down, and she will look at us and shout, "NO!" and then sometimes she starts to laugh and it all becomes a game. AFter 3 or 4 requests, getting firmer each time, she still says no. Then we take her up there. And then she'll come out again and again. And she will scream and carry on and day we are hurting her and things like that, and we are NOT hurting her. I don't want our lives to be like this. I was at breaking point this morning, and I went up to see her and let her see me cry. Hoping maybe if she sees how deeply this is impacting us and how we have feelings too that maybe she'll think about it a bit more. She will just totally snap from happy to hysterically angry in an instant. We are considering an elimination diet, but since this behaviour is not happening at school we have our doubts about that. I am feeling like a failure of a mum at this point.
I don't know what I'm asking, I just need to know I'm not alone I guess. I really hope we see the end of this soon. Hopefully the psych will help.
2 Replies
Of course you aren't alone. And yeah if her behaviour is good at school a diet song help, and to be honest they are over rated when it comes to behaviour.
Your daughter sounds a lot like me growing. Well behaved at school but would be so enotionally exhausted by the time I got home it wouldn't take much to send me over the edge. You see to be that perfect little girl at school I had to work so bloody hard, so much focus.
Home was my safe place where I could let it out!!! It got better over time. What really helped me was plenty of time to myself once I came in from school. Time to do nothing, time to be safe and be left alone by people and demands. Then once I'd had some time I was ready to participate in family life.
I'm not saying that's what will work for your girl, I'll let your daughters psychologist get to the bottom of it, but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone, and neither is your daughter.
I was talking to a lady once about behaviour in kids. She's a teacher and has been for the best part if 30 years or even longer. She had problems with her sons behaviour. He was perfect at school loved by teachers and students. But at home he was terrible like to the point of making her cry. One day she asked him why he was so good at school but so horrible at home. He said it was because at school he was good all the time and never naughty that when he was at home all the naughty came out. And he can't be good all the time. She was glad about the good behaviour at school and started letting things slide at home. She was a happier mum and he was happier kid at home because she understood it took all if his effort to be good where he can be seen. It may not be the same in your daughters case, it could be a possibility. Sometimes letting them meltdown but moving them into another room/safe space for them to do so is ok. They cannot be perfect and happy all the time sometimes kids just need to let it all out like adults do but because they are kids they need to learn to regulate themselves. Teach her some anger management tools. Ie scrunching and Unscrunching her fists while taking in some deep breaths and blowing out really hard. A little punching bag or a cushion that she can punch when she doesn't want to talk about her feelings. And once she's calmer after a melt down/tantrum and your calmer you sit down and ask her why she felt so angry and mad. And if she thinks there is a better way of dealing with it. We need to remember that they are little adults in the making. We need to stop as talk to them first and if we do it calmly it should help prevent it from escalating. Your doing the best you can and you've done you best to get her some help. Ask the people that she's seeing if there is anything you can do to help her and prevent the situations from escalating when they arise. If she has some self calming techniques, she will be able to start regulating her emotions. And everyone should be happier.