Ok ill try and keep it brief, but i want some advice please!
So me and my ex (children's father) dated for 7 years over a 10 year period (two break ups in between). We dated as teenagers then seperated then got back togwther as adults had a baby seperated got back together had another baby. After we dated as teenagers, during separation period, he moved and also did some criminal acts (the whos the hows and whats im not entirely sure of) i however only really got to the "seeing each other" stage and never really had a solid relationship during this time. I did have sex with other people and i found out later that a couple of these people are related to him (second cousins). He has claimed that when we got back together as adults he knew this but neither of us discussed it.
He is now using drugs (isnt seeing the children) any has bought this up the last time i saw him and apparently got violent towards one of the males because of this and is apparently still quite mad at me about it even though when we did discuss it his response was "it hurts but we cant change the past so theres no point dwelling on it"
I do feel really bad about it and feel like i am responsible in a way for him not seeing the kids. He was to an extent quite emotionally controlling in our reltionship, so what im asking i guess is, does he have a right to be this mad now? I sort of felt like it was discussed and it was sorted out but now his bringing it up again. Or is this his way of still some how controlling whats happening around me? Or is it possibly something to do with the drugs?
I dont feel that i can safely discuss with him and since he isnt having any care or visitation with children i dont get to get away from them. Thank you
Does he deserve to be angry
Does he deserve to be angry
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care, Behaviour
4 Replies
Hell no he has no right to be angry! Why are you even having any communication with this guy??? Cut contact stay well away and when/if he gets clean let him organise the mediation so he can build a relationship with his kids. Until then any communication is just toxic drama, drug/control nonsense.
I am poster
His family tell me these things about him. When we discussed it was when he was seeing the kids.
Do i just feel guilty because of the way he is reacting? Making me feel like i did wrong?
You are feeling guilty because he is an abuser. That's what abusers do, they make it seem like you did something wrong when you didn't. Drug addicts blame everything on anyone other than thenselves. You did nothing wrong you were broken up. You are allowed to sleep with whoever you want when you are single.
Nope! Big fat holy NOPE. And yes, this is a tactic by abusers, shaming, putting blame and guilt on you and now look, you feel really bad about it and feel responsible for his problems.
Nope!!!
This is something that happened a long long time ago and you didn't do wrong even back then, but if he chose to be with you, it's warts and all. I also learned this the hard way, apologizing and feeling like a slut for having an ex before him. The feelings he's creating in you are so wrong - I hope you know you did absolutely nothing wrong and tell him to shove it.
If you have the kids all the time, sounds like it would be easy and best to go no contact with this piece of work.