My partners ex wife has been giving us trouble the last couple of weeks and it has made me extremely volatile towards her in every aspect. I have 2 step daughters. We have had custody of the girls beginning of last year due to my OH ex's boyfriend abusing them (forcing them to the ground hands behind their backs and telling them to bark like a dog) along with the girls hearing them have sex the list goes on.
Some background info (sorry for being so long)The seperation was not good as we had an affair so understandable bitterness from her part but the longer it went on the more the girls suffered not from us but from her. She moved another man in almost immediately (which by all means do so to move on but she didn't tell us who was spending more time with the girls then their own father). Her boyfriends cousin got caught wearing a specially marked uniform which got him arrested which is ultimately how we found out about the new boyfriend.
Then we find out from the eldest that there was almost a punch up in their home because she was caught cheating with another man. Her father broke windows, car windows all to get at her mother (mother was living her and the girls).
In between this she has called our children horrible names, threatening, hammered us about the affair but failed to acknowledge her own infidelity in the marriage.
So now we still have the girls but there is a chance she will get them back due to the order being revoked and I don't think I can deal with that. This horrible women put these girls through everything chose the boyfriend over her own children every time. The girls are happy with us but she doesn't acknowledge this and never will. They have had so much opportunity whilst with us academically, sports and socially.
I have so much anger towards this woman it's unbelievable, she has not acknowledged any issues that was happening whilst under her care (she watched him do it to the girls) and has the nerve to blame us for what happened. I just need some form of advice or reassurance. I know what a mother's love is all about I would die for my children but when she talks about the girls being her world and all that I can not help but get irrate purely because I think she lost the right to have an opinion or express that type of love when she let this stuff happen. There is so much more to say but it is so draining :( is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
Partners Ex Issues (please be patient its long)
Partners Ex Issues (please be patient its long)
Posted in:
Life Lessons
6 Replies
I think this is really messy and probably best to see a psychologist to work out your feelings and how best to handle it.
In my humble opinion, she's their mother, so even when youre completely done with her, they're not and you don't get to say she's lost the right to love her kids or discourage that relationship.
I really think a psychologist will help you work through it and take the best approach.
Oh i completely agree with the first response. While i don't condone the mothers behavior, this poor women has lost her husband and now her daughters to you. I know i would be all kinds of messed up had it been me in that situation. I agree get yourself some help to move forward in a positive direction. This women will always be apart of your life now and she is the mother of your partners girls. I really hope she is able to seek some help to, I'm sure her heart is totally broken. Best of luck, i really do hope you find a happy and healthy balance.
Sorry I don't agree with the last reply 'poor woman lost her daughters to you'. Well no she lost her daughters because of her boyfriend HURTING them and she stayed with him. Sorry I failed to mention she is not heart broken she is getting married next month and has a little girl with my step daughters abuser. I understand she is their mother but would the attitudes to this post be different if it was me that was the abuser and the father watched it. Would you feel sorry for the father because his ex cheated on him first and still took his money even whilst not condoning his behavior?
No it wouldn't be different. It's not about cheating and who took money, it's about the parent/child relationship.
Yes many mothers do go out of their way to facilitate relationships with dropkick fathers. Why? Because it's important for the child.
It's hard work and the girls and so therefore you will have this relationship for the rest of their lives. of course you want to and should protect the children, but as much opportunity as you offer them it doesn't make up for relationship with their mother. unfortunately as much as it would be great for you if she would just disappear, it's not what's best for the kids.
I'm not undermining the abuse. Could it be that she was also a victim of domestic violence at the time she failed to protect her kids? As I said it sounds like a big mess that will need lots of work and to go slowly, but you should always advocate for the girls working towards some kind of healthy relationship with their mum.
Sorry if my comments hit a nerve but i stand by what i said. I think you need to get some help to resolve your feelings towards her. Whether you like it ir not she will ALWAYS be apart of your life. Unfortunately you cannot control what she does but you can certainly control how you feel and act. Best of luck, i really do hope things resolve!
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