Quick back ground. I'm a single mum hiding out from an abusive ex with an avo out on him. He breaks it all the time but police say I need proof of what i say his doing like stalking and talking pretending to be one of my friends.
So im living with my mum. Who knows how sacred I am to be alone
She has just got a divorce from my dad. She wants to keep our house but can't afford to.
I have saved 10k and she has asked me to help her out. That 10k will either break her make her.
One problem though I don't want to help out. I use to but this family is very disjointed. 16 year old will through tantrums to she gets her way. Brike our front class door 2 weeks ago. Oldest brother (25) chucks a fit if mum hasnt washed his uniform. Doors are slammed in anger. 16 year old will yell if something doesn't go her way and tell me to get out of the house no one wants me here and i had littlery just been talking to my other sister whispering about my personal stuff and 16 year old thinks its about her. She thinks she is mum of the place and mum lets her be. When i tell my mum i don't appreciate it she gets all defensive and sricks up for 16 year old. My sister was given 2 cats and they are very dirty and poo all through the laundry i can't wash with out stepping in it I inform my mum and she blams my dogs which doesn't even make sence. i don't have time to be washing my feet every time i have to scrub my baby's clothes. She won't let any negativity happen agents my sister. I was hanging clothes (25 year old clothes) out last week and come inside to my brother yelling at my baby to shut up and stop crying cause he couldn't hear his tv! Mum said that that was okay because he wanted some quite time.
So today i told mum yet again I don't want to stay. She lost it said I was ungrateful and im her mum and i should look after her. Told her i am a mum now too and my daughter is number one and i won't raise her in a house full of anger and bad behavior. I would hate for her when she is older to see my baby sister tell me to 'get out'. My sister runs everything my mum does what ever she says mum does at the drop of the hat and im over it. I ask if we can sit down to talk to work together and then that turns into an argument im apparently horrible for thinking we don't get along.
When i said to mum today that i need my 10k to start over to get my own place she said that i have to give her the money because i have been staying with her and owe her. I made it clear that in the 5 months i have been here i do not owe her that much im paying my way already. She called me nasty and that she is now going to loose everything because of me. which i don't want but why is she putting all the pressure on me? Its her divorce not mine. I want what's best for my daughter. Not to be yelled at when she is crying i dont want her growing up thinking slamming doors is okay. But mum also knows im to sacred to live alone as my ex has guns and the police can't find them so i have to stay and she is using it in her advantage.
I moved in with her when i was pregnant after trying to find a place outa town because she promised to support me and help out with my baby and when she was born nothing she doesn't even pick her up for a cuddle. So that was just her way of getting money out of me!
After the big fight i walked off and later she comes down and tells me she loves me and wants to look after me which she has never said before its like she only said that to make me want to stay for the money.
I feel like she could be financially abusing me?
Do i give her the money or do i go?
Is my mum controlling me
Is my mum controlling me
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Behaviour
7 Replies
Do NOT HAND over that money !! As for being too scared to live alone, I think it'd be too scared to live with your family !! Get out. Live with a friend, a family member or better yet, find an elderly person who lives next door or something so you can look out for one another.
Get out of that house. Now.
And do not give her a single cent.
You were paying your way - you don't owe her anything else, even if she is your mother.
You have the right mentality. You know it's wrong how they're treated you, and you know it's best for you and your child if you leave. This is great!
You just need the final push to up and leave, even if the idea is terrifying.
There is nothing wrong with being scared of living alone. But perhaps you could speak to a psychologist to find out ways on how to cope with your fears.
You should also speak to a domestic violence support service, if you haven't already.
They'd have better advice on how to keep you safe and may even be able to help you move.
Goodluck, and continue to stay strong x
Your family is abusive, which is probably why you ended up in a DV situation in the first place. I'd be getting out and leaving them too it. Get your own place, don't give any one your new address and shut down social media, change phone numbers etc.
Yes they are using you for the money.
Use your money to get the fuck out of there and start a new life with your baby.
Move somewhere your ex wont find you.
Yes your mum will probably get the shits and not talk to you but if you give her the money she will only treat you like crap anyway and then you will be broke!
A womens shelter is a safe place to go where your ex cant get to you until you figure out your next move. They also have so much help and support there.
Your mum will have to figure her own life out, she could get a loan or sell some things or take on a second job if she needs the money.
Do not give her your money!
DO NOT GIVE HER THE MONEY!!
Just because she can't manipulate your sister doesn't mean she won't try and manipulate you. YOU and YOUR BABY need this money more than she does. There is no guarantee she will pay you back or anything and then what will you do? Where will you go? I know it's your money, but technically it's your daughters too so not only does she think you owe her, she thinks her grandchild does too. It's her own fault with what she loses. There's all the help in the world these days and especially since one child is under 16 and what about Mr. 25? Why isn't he out yet or helping her with it?
You, as HER CHILD does not need to look after her in that sense unwillingly.
As for not wanting to live alone, in the end, one day you will have to move out on your own. It's just how it is.
Good luck and please be safe. From BOTH your family and ex. They're both toxic and abusive...
Your family are using you and when push comes to shove I'd bet they won't back you if your ex did turn up. You have the financial means to go, find a nice little unit in a gated community and don't give ANYONE a forwarding address.
I was in a similar situation but with my father when I was 18 and a single mother, I stayed and helped him by paying his bills, buying food and cleaning the house while not even being allowed to have friends visit. Fast forward a couple of years and my Dad carried on that no one helped him except his girlfriend (the reason he was in debt) and that I was ungrateful for all he had done for me by giving me a roof over my head. We didn't speak for ten years believe me it's not worth the heart ache , move somewhere new and help yourself and your baby.