Does any one else find it hard being a single mum with no help? I have a 2 month old and have been single since i was 12 weeks pregnant. I live with my mum and siblings but I may as well be living by my self.
Its all becoming way to much! I left my ex due to DV and i cant ask him for help i dont want him any where near us.
I am doing every thing alone from changing nappies to bathing to drs appointments. Financally im struggling too with no child support but that i am not calming from him under any circumstance. Today i had to get my car air con fixed and it was hot I was loosing my mind of how busy i was today I have really bad tonsillitis and had drs appointments and baby check-ups, every time i tried to leave she pooped or vomited all over her self. I then had to sit and wait a few hours to my car was done, which they couldn't fix so i have to go back for a part next week, because I had no one to pick me up. In that time I went to sit in the cool waiting room and I knocked my baby's head on the mettle sliding door hard too she has a bruise she was screaming then i started crying i felt so bad still do it was all a mess i thought i had given her concussion, she is fine now after being looked at by the dr but there is a bruise on her head. I feel awful and to top it all of i was given a statement from my ex from the police this week for our AVO court hearing saying that every time he held me down or tried to pull me out from locking my slef away from him was to protect me from hurting my slef as in self halm or suicide which is far from the truth I was trying to get away from him hitting me. He said that I wanted to halm my unborn baby and that i use to cut in front of his daughter (not mine) and that I am not fit nor should i be around children and i lack compassion and motherly skills because when i left and took out an avo i didn't attend his daughter birthday party 3 months later that i promised her to go to (which i hadn't promised because I knew i couldn't). After hearing all this I am guttered and now i feel so over loaded i hit her head and she has a bruise this is going to look terrible when i see my lawyer wont it?. To be honest i dont feel mentally fit at the moment being a single mum is hard way to hard and i am constantly fighting with my mum to help me but she says she is too tired or too busy with things but will go out with my youngest sister for coffee or walks and never give me a minute of her time, its an ongoing battle with her. It is wearing me out the arguing between us if only she would sit down and talk to me or change a few nappies a week it would make a massive difference. She will get home from work and yell at me for not doing the house work yet no one else in the house works im looking after my baby doing our house work I am expected to to my siblings too while they do what ever they want weather it be tv or going out. I am loosing my mind and my depression isn't helping. I am to scared now that he is going to take her off me, i left to save her life surely that is enough. Where can i get help, i need to stop crying all day I just want someone to talk to but i have no one. I thought i was strong enough to raise my daughter alone and my mum promised to help me but she walked away she is lucky to even pick her up once a week and i am over telling people when they say i am lucky to have my mum to help that "i really am i couldn't do it with out her".
How does every one do it? I want to move out on my own so bad this is not a good environment her with my family and the fights but i cant afford to. I just dont know what to do. After the fight my mum and i had the other day (i was devastated i couldn't breath after reading my exs statement about me it was 10 pages long, she left with my sister to go have a coffee, i asked her to stay to sit with me to vent and she said my sister really wants to go out i got mad and she said i am going out because you are yelling at me. So she turned around the reason she was going out, first it was because my sister wanted to i got up set than angry so then that turned into the reason for her going out!) i really dont want to see her again. I dont know how to go about all this?
Fighting with Mum while raising a baby alone
Fighting with Mum while raising a baby alone
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care
5 Replies
Hey, im a single mum and was on my own on the day my baby was born.
It sounds like you have an awful lot going on and the first 3 months with a baby are hard.
You need to speak to your doctor about your mental health again and organise some counselling. It also sounds like you could do with a social worker.
I think the situation with your mum is frustrating because you thought she would be more helpful that she is being. But sadly that the end of the day you need to do this on your own and moving out is probably better in the long run.
I'm concerned you feel you have no money. Have a look at your budget with a fine tooth comb. Living on parenting payment single and FTB is doable but you do need to go over your budget with a fine tooth comb and get rid of abything that isn't essential. But I live off a pension and have savings. I don't pay for getting nails done, waxes or any of that. My phone plan is under $50 a month etc. if you need help sorting a budget Centrelink have financial counsellors.
First of all - take a deep breath.
Whilst it is nice when family helps us with our children, you should never expect it.
You're the one that brought this child into the world, not them.
And I do apologize if I sound harsh. I really don't mean to.
But they have no need to help out, or change a few nappies. And if you look at it from that point of view, it'll hurt a lot less when they don't help out.
They can support you in other ways, such as you moving back in with them.
You're doing this alone, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It'll be hard, but so is being a parent when you're in a relationship! Start to enjoy it as much as you can.
They're only young once.
And you'll start to miss the nappy changes, the bathing, the late night feeds.
My first piece of advice - go see a psychologist. You're obviously struggling and there is no shame in that.
And don't worry, mental health cannot be used against you in a custody battle as long as you're seeking help for it.
Secondly, forget your ex's statement. He is going to write whatever he pleases. You don't have to worry.
If there is no proof, the court looks at it as hearsay. It gets taken into consideration, but that just means you'll be asked questions and given a chance to say your side.
But a judge will look at everything in front of him and decide, based on the evidence and statements, and make a decision based on what's best for the child. Not your ex, not you, but the child.
That being said - if he goes to court for custody, he'll be granted weekends at the very least unless you have proof that he's an unfit father (and being an abusive partner doesn't mean he won't get custody rights). So start preparing yourself for that.
It'll probably be short visits for now, as she's such a young age, but it will eventually become every second weekend as she grows older.
Next, you need to move out.
When I was on single parenting payment, I was receiving almost $1000 a fortnight. It's not much, but you can live on it.
Find a one or two bedroom apartment or granny flat. They're usually reasonably priced.
Centrelink can assist you with rent and electricity prices.
And just look at budgets when it comes to groceries.
You'll need to budget, and you won't be able to spoil yourself, but it's enough to get by.
And it'll benefit you and your child so much.
Lastly, arrange for child support. It doesn't change anything in a court battle. It doesn't automatically grant rights to your child (he gets them even without child support).
But it does affect your centrelink income. They look it as though you're getting the appropriate amount of child support and base your benefits off of that.
And it will make a difference.
Every dollar helps.
Good luck. And don't forget to give yourself a break from the drama once in a while - even if it's as simple as taking your child to the park for an hour or so.
Hey hun, i was in a similar situation when i had my son. If you wanna talk message me on Facebook Jessica Spratt
Trust me if the ex has done what youve said itll be a long battle of custody..
My babys father has just taken me to court in the last couple of months and he did the same with his story said all things that werent true, i was shocked and cried for two days but after seeing my solicitor she made me feel better and said its just what he's putting forward to the courts and i had my statements and affidavits as well. Except i had a lot of proof where as he did not.
Child support, you should claim whether he sees the child or not. I do, every little bit helps trust me. I got child support to arrange it so they contact him and organise it all and it goes off his income. They will tale it out of his pu checks and send it to your bank account, very easy. Otherwise you have the option (if have a dvo) to get an exemption to file for child support. If not do nothing about it, and dont get an exemption centrelink will cut your pay around $200. Worth doing something about.
Facebook message me if you want to talk more, trust me babe ive been there and am still going through it now with a horrible person. I know how you feel and yes its hard on your own. Xxxxx
So first off arrange child support it's going to affect your centre link payments if you don't. Single parenting payment, fam tax a and fam tax b is enough to rent a little unit pay bills and survive on trust me I've been there and I'm doing it with 3 kids. I pay $350 a week in rent. I'm not in a homes west house I'm in a rental through a real estate. I own my own car (struggled the last 2 years to make sure it was paid off) living with your mum doesn't seem to be working for you and hunny it's not her job to do the parenting of your child. Changing nappies, feeding, burping that's your job it would be nice if she wanted to help you with it but she doesn't seem to want to do it for you. Next ignore everything your ex has said in his statement you know full well he will say anything to get his own way. If I'm right you've written in before about this same guy whilst you were pregnant don't let him get to you. He is not worth it. It's all here say and that doesn't stand up in court. If you've been to police previously to file charges on him they will have it documented if you didn't get it documented (you really should have) you will have to go through mediation before you go through court so take a deep breath. Go and see your doctor they will not take your baby if you are seeking help. They will take her if you are not looking after yourself and the best interests of your baby. So do what is best for the 2 of you. It is unlikely at this early stage he will get unsupervised access especially if you are breast feeding and if you want to keep her with you at all times until she is older then your best bet is to perservere with breast feeding it should work in your favour. If you're bottle feeding (formula feeding) then it's likely he will get access on his own because you do not need to be around for the feeding process. Get yourself in a safe, happy state of mind and love that baby because that's all you can do. The baby will feel the stress you feel, the fear you feel and will not thrive under those types of conditions. Good Luck and do what is best for the two of you don't worry about anyone else.
I read this post on Facebook and couldn't help but notice all of the negative comments. Honey you are doing a great job! It is ok to ask for help, never feel like you shouldn't. I can't begin to imagine the position that you are in. Having a 2 month old baby is hard, so very hard and so many people forget to quickly what it is like. You must feel terrible for accidentally hurting her but that's all it is, an accident. You are obviously tired and overwhelmed and stressed and these things happen.
It sounds like moving out would be the best thing for yourself and your baby. sitting down and looking at your finances, creating a budget etc will give you a better idea of how you can achieve that. If you are adament you don't want to seek child support, is to go into Centrelink and see what assistance they can provide.
You should also see your gp about your mental health. It's a hard thing to do, trust me I've been there, but they can help. I can't imagine it being detrimental at all in regards to your ex's claims. In fact being proactive will speak very highly of you.
I would also suggest seeking emotional support from someone other than your mother. Due to your other circumstances you may have to continue living with her and if she is stressing you out then minimising contact may be the best way to cope with living there. Do you have some friends that you can talk to? Or have a mothers group that you can go to so you're surrounded with other mothers with young children? If you need someone to talk to I'm more than happy for you to PM me. Best of luck mum. Make sure to give that baby girl of yours lots of love