Hi IM's I will do my best to make this make sense but I don't even know what's going through my own head!
I separated from a DV relationship a year ago. I'm a single mum. Her dad visits when he wants he did drugs in the beginning. Lost his job because he lost his license for Drink driving. He constantly says shit to me and makes me feel shit about myself and my ability to be a mum. He visits does the fun shit and doesn't disaplines and tells me I'm too tough.
If I've asked him to change her bum he goes that's what I pay you $98 pw for. That covers shit all! I've spent over $300 in Drs and chemist in the past 5 days for my daughter.
I asked about selling something and we split the money. He carried on about who wanted to buy it and we got into a disagreement. It's in my name so I could sell without his approval and give him half the money. He went on and on. I said well we will go to court to sort it and the divorce papers will be ready next month for you to sign. He's been extr nice since than. I'm over his crap. Everything is a drama for him but apparently I am the drama queen. I'm so over it all. I wanted to sell our house he lives in it I pay part of mtg half rates plus rent where I am. My family are on the loan as gurantor but he still refuses to sell. I wanted to take it over but he said no unless I put in a contract I will give him 5% of whatever I sell it for down the track. I said no way! I wish things could be sorted outside court.
I have our daughter 100% of the time. She doesn't go unsupervised and there is good behaviour orders for both of us as I didnf want to stop full contact for her sake. He's never faught me to take her on his own or anything. He's happy to float in and out and phone.
I'm so stressed when j have to deal with him
I feel so down atm about everything but im scared to see a dr incase he uses if against me in court for having depression. I know I'd be a better person if I felt with it.
I work full time have a disability and my daughter never goes without. She gets the best of everything.
He never has money and I find myself paying for shit if we go out.
I'm so over everything atm! I think I need some mediation and maybe counselling but can that be used against me if we end up in court?
He already tells me im an unfit parent and don't put my daughters needs first. I know it's far from the truth well I think that anyway but he still makes me doubt myself. Work isn't good for me either. I don't enjoy what I do anymore and is stressful with sales but I've been left with so much debt I need to work.
Please be kind. I already fel so down about Everythjng j could lay in bed and sleep the day away. I wish I didn't have to go to work I don't enjiy it. I wish I got more time with my daughter but I have so much debt left from the messy separation.
4 Replies
No, it can't be used against you. Yes go to mediation you shouldn't be supervising his time with the child. He shouldn't even be in your house. If he needs supervising find someone else to do it. Make set times for him to have the child. If gig don't set some boundaries around visits you might as well have stayed in the relationship! You aren't a couple don't fall into the trap of behaving like one. Ring up and get mediation sorted asap regarding parenting plans.
I don't want my daughter to go unsupervised. The people he hangs with and the shit he does isn't good or safe for my daughter. He visits maybe a Saturday on the weekend and calls every night. I'm all for her having a relationship with her dad and that's why I've tried to keep myself and my feelings out of if and let him visit her. I don't want to be the mum who stopped her knowing her dad but I also do not want her to go unsupervised.
He visits some weekends but other weekends he doesn't. He can go weeks without seeing her.
I don't want to risk her going unsupervised. I want to sort the house but he doesn't have s stable job so it's him sign it over to me or sell it. Which he doesn't want to do either. That's one of the last assetts we have to split.
I'm just so worried he could use me anxiety depression against me because that's something I know he would do!
You can organise supervised visits in a supervision centre.
Anxiety and depression can't be used against you
Eep. Ok 1. See a Dr and get healthy!!
They'll probably tell you to go no contact with him. You've broken up but are still engaging in all this unhealthy fighting and bs. It's better you don't engage. Don't go out with him and don't have him at your house speaking to you like that.
It won't go against you it will show you are a healed, smart, healthy mummy.
Write down everything each time and get supervised visits, it's so great you left but having his visits with you present and having your daughter still seeing this interaction still ongoing is so toxic.