Hi ladies and men!
So, this may be lengthy..
I seperated from my husband at the beginning of 2015.. We'd been together since high school. I've been seeing a great man now for 7 months, but the issue is that he lives an hours drive away, so we only see each other once or twice a week. I share care of my children with my ex, so it was ok to see him when my ex had the kids, and I've recently introduced him to my kids as my bf.. He has come over a few times while I've had them and it's been good. He has 3 kids to his ex, and same as me, she was his only relationship before we got together. He has 3 kids with her. He's made no mention of introducing me to them, even just as a friend and I'm beginning to feel like a secret. He has mentioned he's worried about causing issues with his ex and he's thinking about their happiness and wants their lives to not be disrupted any more than it has been.
He did take me to his work Xmas party, and that was great, but I'm still left feeling like he's living 2 seperate lives. He doesn't even have my name in his phone... It's just an odd combination of jumbled letters.
I'm starting to think its not going to progress anywhere and I'm wasting my time.. I do love him, but all I see are obstacles.. Different locations, careers, families etc..
Am I expecting too much too soon? This is my only relationship since my husband and we lived together so things were much simplified.. I'm going crazy with only seeing him a few times a week and that's usually me going to his place after work. I'll get their at 7pm and then have to wake up at 4am to get back home for work the next day.
Has anyone got any advice, experience they can share?
Long distance relationship
Long distance relationship
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care
14 Replies
He is hiding you and that's a huge red flag. There is no legitimate reason to not have your name in his phone. I would not trust him. Plus he is obviously not prepared to stick up for you to his ex, your needs will always be less than the exes needs in priority unless he gets a back bone!
Plus as both of you have kids neither of you can really move, sorry that's an obvious fact that can't be ignored the chances of this progressing are pretty low.
So as long as you can keep this low key, having some fun but not looking to take things to another level, then things will be fine. But it sounds like things have gone too far for you and it's time to talk to him about where this is going. But I suspect the writing is on the wall on this one, sorry :(
Sorry, you're the other woman.
That was my initial thought too
I was hoping he was just being casual and enjoying the distance and the few nights, but the kids and phone sealed it. At very best he's keeping his options open, but truth is he's proactively hiding you from someone.
I'm definitely not the "other woman" as I said, I've met his work colleagues, go to his place often enough.. Have even been present when he's talked to his ex on the phone regarding his kids. I know they are not together
What possible reason would he have for hiding your name on his phone???
Maybe it's not the ex.
I think it's so his kids don't see my name when he has them.. We text quite a bit.
Just some more to confirm he's not still with his ex... We went away last week for 3 days for his bday ( we were both on holidays), I am friends on fb with one of his colleagues, he also made mention to his "ex" during the work party ( he has worked with these same people before, during and after his seperation.
That's pretty paranoid on his part if he has to do that. Sorry this guy needs to come out of the closet so to speak and stop hiding you from his kids etc.
I'm all for taking things slow with meeting kids etc but 7 months is a really long time to wait. If he can't come out then I'd say he either isn't taking this relationship seriously or he has no backbone. Either way it's way past time for hiding this from his ex and from his kids!
You said you feel he's living a a separate life, and you're a secret. Trust yourself. After seven months you can talk to him about his intentions, what he sees you as and where he sees this going ( although liars are outrageous liars anyway) it's a chance to let him know what youre thinking and Let him know you're not someone whose going to be okay with having her name hidden on his phone. I hope it works out for you, maybe even he just needs to decide to fully commit considering the issues, but you're worth expecting that and at least some honesty if he's not going to.
How long has he been separated from his ex for?
A few years. Just realised I don't actually know exactly :/
Don't end up like me, with a man I went to school with.... 18 months in, 1000km away and still a secret!!! I am not strong enough, or ready to walk away just yet, even though my head tells me I should. My heart feels one thing, my mind tells me others. It makes me feel like I'm going crazy, with not knowing what to believe. Good luck, because I know how heart breaking the situation is
So sorry to hear that :(
It's not easy. I really don't know if it's because he's super secretive in general or what.. Like his fb page has no private stuff and he's got about 5 friends. ( his mother, brother, sis in law, me and a work mate) he's in law enforcement so I'm not sure if it comes with the territory or not. I've just decided to go with the flow and if there's no progression in 6 months time I'll cut my losses