I had a terrible 2015, I finally found the courage to walk away from the narcissist/psychopath father of my children. He has ever since been trying to destroy me in every which way. It's been almost a year and there is no end in sight as he is dragging it all out through court and wasting time as he thinks I'll cave, it gives him more time to hide money and the more he breaks me the more likely he is to take our children. I have no family support here, he does. He also still holds all the money and assets accumulated during the relationship so finances are extremely tight for the children and I. The things I've found out he did while we were together are unthinkable, I know he has no limits to what he will do.
I'm fighting it.
With everything I am and everything I've got I will fight, for my children, their safety, happiness and well being is my be all and end all. So My real concern here now is my mental health.
I see no end to this and I am being destroyed inside out by all the lies, deception, manipulation and the emotional abuse he's still putting the children through. I cannot just leave and take the children, 'no contact' is not an option with the children and he's still holding all the financial control on top of all the stress of court etc he's got us scrimping too. We may have to move out of our home and I'm seemingly losing all hope. I can feel myself sinking and my patience level dropping. I'm always close to tears and my children deserve better. They deserve me to be the best that I can be and I need to push forward and out of this rut I'm in. I don't want to be feeling this low, they're both under school age and I want to enjoy this time with them rather than waking up and wondering how I'm going to get through the day.
I just don't want to medicate myself with drugs, no matter what anyone says he will find a way to make me an unfit parent if I show even the slightest weakness. So I'm looking for natural ways or anything I can buy in the chemist without a script? Magnesium, B6, that kind of thing.... in uk you can get st Johns wart - is there anything like that here in Australia? I know excersise is key but I need something else too, I need the empty sinking feeling gone so I can enjoy being a parent to my 2 most favourite people in the world and feel worthy to be their mum again. Any suggestions? Has anyone had success with a naturopath? Are they expensive?
Thanks
4 Replies
Naturopaths are expensive and mostly a placebo. I beg that you please go to your doctor and get a referral to a counsellor at the very least. The courts do not punish parents for seeking help for there mental health, they can punish you for not seeking treatment. Plus I don't know how he'd find out anyway.
I agree definitely speak to a doctor.. your story sounds just like my sister unfortunately for her she ended up in a mental health hospital 12 months after she left her ex and her 2 beautiful children are now in her ex's care. She is fighting to get them back but my main point to this story is that she knew she needed help but she did not receive professional help fast enough and she is a strong women so it happens fast.
you can get St. Johns wort in Australia, try a good health food shop. But as the other replies said, get a referral to a counsellor. If you can vent freely on a regular basis, without fear of judgement it will help to lift the weight of the stresses somewhat.
A tough road ahead but you are an amazing mum remember that and you have the strength to do more than you think this you will see later as I did, I also didn't want to be medicated and councelling helped also writing how I was feeling when my son was asleep so my emotions weren't felt by him, keep all communication written if you can or record it for your own self to know what you said as it can't be used without him knowing but I found made me feel a bit better when hand overs were done or possible discussions. All the best with what the future holds, you have made a decision for yourself and your kids and always hard when in a relationship with a person like that I know been 18 months now since I left a relationship with a narcissist. So hope you can find a Councellor or get your GP to refer you to one will help.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be dim but it is still there as is the love for your children which keeps us moving!!!