Please no nasty comments because I live this life daily and regret a lot of whats happened.
I married young and had 3 daughters to my ex husband. Aged 10, 8 & 6 now. 5 years ago I left my ex husband and within 3 months discovered I couldnt cope. I hit the drugs majorly and was mentally sick. My ex husband got custody of my daughters and that it still remains. In the 18 months following my children going to live at their fathers I worked on bettering myself. (Drug rehab & pysch ward). 11 months into the 18 months I decided I wanted to see my childten. After a long drawn out court hearing I now see my daughters 2 days a fortnight but this took almost 3 years of proving to achieve.
In early 2014 I was out drinking with friends and was raped as a result I went back mentually and also delivered a child in late 2014. I have a great bond with my child as well as with my older children. When my son was a few months old a meet a lovely guy who has been great with the whole situation but I struggle to open up because firstly I'm embarrassed and secondly it hurts to talk about. As a result I suffer from extreme anxiety and depression
Fast forward to now my partner broke up with me and now I feel like Im back where I started 5 years ago except the drug use. I don't know how to get out of this emotional rut. I can go days without eating, I feel physically sick everyday, I have no motivation to do anything. I feel like a hopeless mother.
I don't actually know what I am asking I just know I hate this empty feeling and I want to be a better parent to my children.
1 Replies
Get back to your doctor and communicate to him/her how you are feeling. Get back to counselling. In my experience with my own mental illness (depression/anxiety) I have to stay watchful, vigilant, return to my doctor if I start to feel bad again and return to psychological services and counselling.
It sounds by what you have said you still have issues you haven't fully dealt with, gotten past and just because you haven't hit rock bottom doesn't mean you don't deserve help and to work on those issues. You don't have to work on them alone. It's ok to reach out for help to get back on track.
In fact I find as I'm getting better at dealing with my depression etc that I'm learning to reach out sooner because I recognise now that doing it alone is not the way, that the sooner I reach out for help the sooner I will be out of the rut.
You sound like you are very strong person and asking for help is the strongest thing you'll do.