I feel absolutely terrible for aking this. But is it terrible for wanting to go out for some fun? I'm a single mum of a 2 month old who is breast feed. I'm only 22 and miss my old life. I was 19 when i meet my ex and he turned out to be the worst thing to happen in my life. We feel pregnant because i couldn't be on the pill it made me sick i tried so many but they all had the same effect and he refused every time to put on a condom and i got over taking the morning after pill just so he didnt have to wear a condom and it got expensive he wouldn't pay. Any way he has a new partner now and no Kids to tie him down and doesn't want his child so im a full time mum.
I went out last night to a friends bomb fire for new years and my daughter slept the whole time. So it was nice to chat but its not the same i just want to have one night drinking or being picked up i miss having that feeling of being wanted because in the end my ex told me he didn't ever want me.
There is a really sweet guy there who i have met a few times. but there is no way he will go for me im a single mum and havnt got the best body any more and breast feeding in front of a date i wouldnt feel comfortable. And i just don't have the confidence to date any one. I feel like someone has taken the best of me that i could of given to someone else such as my carrier i had going the unit deposit i gave to him and i was only 20 when i had it! And now ive given him my first child. Looking back now i was a perfect catch now im nothing.
I just miss my old life where i could go to the gym every day ride my horse go out from time to time and i miss working like crazy! I don't know if im feeling like this because he is out having fun like we don't exist and she is living in our house. Or its because i feel so young to be a mum mentally and physically. I love my daughter more than anything every thing about her but i can't stop help feeling like what happened if i took the morning after pill and its killing me because its such a horrible thing to think considering how much i love her. but at the same time im so glad i didn't take the pill. I have to hold her 24/7 or she scrams we co sleep or i won't get any sleep and im her pacifier for hours every day its exhausting im going crazy i need to just get out. When i fell pregnant i thought i would have a family and it would be perfect it is all i wanted i wouldn't care about going out or having fun but now im single because he became crazy and hit me so i left. Now i feel stuck and its killing me im thinking like this. I know if i go out and let my mum look after her i will just worry all the time. What do I do?
Feeling guilty full stop
Feeling guilty full stop
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt
5 Replies
It's not terrible to want to go out, in fact it's good to go out and let your hair down occasionally. BUT you need to get your contraception sorted in order to do that. There are plenty of contraceptive options that aren't the pill and have a much lower hormone dose than the pill, like the Nuva-ring and the mirena. You don't want to find yourself pregnant after a big night out and although you should always use condoms to protect against STDs guys are pretty bad at using them and you don't sound like you have the emotional strength to stand up for yourself. The morning after pill had a large dose of hormone and is not healthy to take on a regular basis.
So yeah it's important to do some stuff for you like exercise, go out with friends etc and the occasional Big night. But make sure that big night doesn't lead you into single mummy to two!
Firstly, you are wanted and loved. And the love is the most purest form of love. You are your daughters whole world. And I can guarantee that the love she feels for you is worth more than any relationship.
You'll feel it when she starts to smile at you, starts hugging and kissing you, starts calling you 'mum' and tells you she loves you.
Congratulations on breastfeeding. I know how difficult it is when all of your friends are out drinking and you can't even have one.
Look into a breast pump. If you're able to pump, it can give you a bit of a break.
Ask to see a lactation nurse. Your daughter might not be latched properly and might not be getting as much milk as she needs, if she's using you as a pacifier.
Secondly,
It's perfectly fine to have a night out, but I really think you should take a break from relationships for a bit. Focus on getting yourself better.
I think you need to work on making your voice louder. It's obvious you're a strong woman, but you need to work on showing it more. Teach yourself to stop the drama, instead of working past it after it happens.
Learn to put yourself first and to recognize what an amazing job you're doing.
And being a single mum won't stop you from having relationships, it'll just help weed out the immature ones.
But I highly recommend you go go a doctor and talk about different forms of contraception, even if you do plan on having a break. Just in case you get caught up in the heat of the moment.
And always use a condom as well, to protect yourself from any STI's.
And lastly, I think you should see a doctor and arrange a mental health care plan. It sounds like you might be having some problems with post natal depression.
You're obviously doing a great job, and obviously care about your daughter.
Age has nothing to do with it. Parenting is effing hard!
So don't forget to give yourself a pat on the back. Have a spa day, treat yourself to lunch, learn to love you, too.
You'll be fine. :)
I was a Mum at 21. I get what you're feeling. I think though, when you have kids young.... There are two paths you can take. One is desperately trying to hang onto life before your child and feeling jealous of anyone still living that carefree life. Or two, decide to 100% accept that you're life has changed. Forever. That your daughter now comes first. That she needs you and you need to look after yourself to be a better mother. That you have a massive head start on all your childless friends. Your daughter will be older and independent when your friends are possibly having babies (this is my experience)....and then you'll get a bit of independence back while they're in the throws of babies. 22 is so young. You will have so much regret if you choose to live your life like choice one. Still try to go out once a fortnight/month. But you have a tiny little baby who loves and needs you. Let that be your motivation. Plenty of time to meet another guy.
Sounds like I could have written this myself! I'm 22 with a nearly four year old single mum. How I coped when she was new born I placed her in daycare 1 day a week at 12 weeks old to give me some me time- go out with the girls work or study. The first few days of her going to daycare you'll sorry about her but at that age they honestly cope quite well even clingy babies. One she was one I put her in 2-3 times a week and went back to full time study.
I found out at 6 months (father I know due to spiked drink) and it took me about a year to move on and no longer think what happened if I had an abortion or adopted her out. Go talk your gp and get free health care sessions with a psych or low level medication to help with your thought processss.
I do gym and horse ride daily and it is easier than people think with a newborn. Most gyms have a crache and they love having little babies in their!! And if your daughter falls asleep in the pram ride while she sleeps in sight? I chuck my daughter in the pram in the stables and ride in the arena so I can see her at all times. Mothers group will help too if you're not in one look into it
Firstly, I just wanted to say, ignore all the horrible comments on FB (if you are inclined to read them). What you are feeling is so normal. Keep an eye on it though because it sounds like you are prime material for developing PND. Might be worth having a chat to your GP so you have it on file how you are feeling and they can help you monitor it. Will bubs take a dummy? Mine used to use me for a pacifier, and the midwife recommended trying a dummy. I also co-slept, as a working, single mum I had to be somewhat functional. If you want to go back to the gym a couple times a week, do it. Find one with a creche and go for it. It sounds like you might be a bit isolated. I was the first one of my friends to have kids too (I was 22 and she wasn't planned). Her dad sees her once a fortnight but that's it, he doesn't ring in the between times and when she was a baby he would take off to Melbourne for weeks at a time. I have good family support, but it was still really hard. The payoff is that you will have someone in your life who loves you unconditionally. Don't worry about dating yet. Focus on your daughter and your relationship because trust me, it will be the most amazing one you ever have. Good luck mumma!