Hi sisterhood.
I'm in a pickle and need some advice.
My dearest friend has had a tough 14 months. After a hard 3rd pregnancy bub was born and doesn't sleep. They still don't really know why (bub is 1 now). So she survives on an hour or 2 of broken sleep a night.
I can totally sympathize with that- our 2nd was exactly the same and we were zombies for well over a year, but we still went on outings, attended celebrations, we were present in our lives for the children's sake.
My friend was diagnosed with severe PND and anxiety shortly after bub was born so she has that to tackle as well as the no sleep issue (plus 2 more kids).
She won't seek help. When I have gently brought up that the panick attacks are controlling her life and that a psychologist, or possibly medication can really help her through this tough time the response I get is 'all I need is to talk to my partner, he is like my psychologist'. He isn't. And 'I just need more sleep'.
She is terrified of feeling anything, and is caught up in such a hard wheel, it all just keeps going around and around every day with no improvements. If anything she is still getting worse, having to remind herself to enjoy at least one moment with bub a day or its all negative.
I'm always here for her to vent, but she cancels every outing we plan (even if it's just a 5 minute catch up at hers, or mine), and I see and feel her slipping away. She is a shell of who she used to be. I know this is the illness, but she won't seek help, and this isn't going to improve for her without professional help.
I feel helpless and after 13 months of being pushed to the side, I feel like it's affecting me as well. I feel like I'm at my limit to be there for her not because I don't love her with all my heart, but because I know I can't help her, and that the person I knew is no longer there.
I have been through an intensive process with a psychologist myself, I know how it changes things for the better as long as you want to be there and commit to it.
I feel like I'm doing everything I can. But I can't help, so I feel like I need to step back.
Please Help.
Best friend and PND/anxiety
Best friend and PND/anxiety
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
3 Replies
Have you offered to take the baby for a few hours so she can get some sleep. It sounds like a vicious circle and she is kind of right with some sleep she will start to feel a bit better, it won't be the total solution but without some sleep everything feels totally pointless! Unfortunately there is nothing you can make her do. And although I agree with you some treatment for PND would eventually be great but without the sleep it's all pointless. Different people cope differently with sleep deprivation and for me it's torture. I can not function, I can't form thoughts, I can't have emotions I'm a zombie. I can't socialise and I can't look after myself. There is a very good reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.
She has to want to get help. I know I have PND but I don't want medication/therapy and I certainly wouldn't want my friend always going on about getting help. She needs sleep. No amount of medication or therapy is going to help that. Instead find her some resources. Is there a sleep school nearby? Does her baby have an underlying condition? Maybe a sleep consultant?
Ok here is the thing if she has been sleep deprived for this long they CANT actually diagnose anything. Chances are what she actually HAS above and beyond all is sleep deprivation....because it is actually caused by a baby who doesnt sleep NO AMOUNT OF MEDICATION will help her.
Do you know what will? Take the baby for a night so that she can sleep you and some friends take it in shifts to make sure she gets a full nights/day sleep every few days...
Thats it.....
When i am sleep deprived i am literally jumping out of my own skin with anxiety everything spooks me it is a SYMPTOM of SLEEP DEPRIVATION
You got through it bully for you! Different people actually need different levels of sleep 3-5 hours is normal for me....I crash once i drop below 2 hours a night..... obviously she is someone who physically NEEDS her full sleep.....not all of us do. have some compassion.