Ok, so, forgive me if this rambles a little.
A few weeks ago one of my very close friends told me that her daughter got 'suspended' from school, for the second time, for bullying.
This daughter has been very good friends with my daughter, despite their slight age difference. Her child is 14, my child is 10.
I spent a week with the child in my house to help my friend out while she had to work, and during that time the child swore black and blue to me, and to my daughter, that she really didn't actually do anything, she was just in the group with the other children who were bullying so she got blamed as well.
We accepted that at face value.
Fast forward to the weekend just passed, and my friend took my daughter overnight for a sleepover. The next day my daughter came home quite upset about the things that the other girl was saying to her. Things like, she got suspended because she punched a girl in the face and broke her nose and it was funny. She tried to convince my daughter to get dressed up in clothing that is completely inappropriate, and sneak out at night and head down to the beach.
Thankfully my daughter refused and phoned me and said she had bad dreams and wanted to go home, so I went and got her.
The problem I have now is that for part of this week, and for the week between Christmas and New Year I am pre committed to having this child come to my house during the day while her mother works.
My daughter is afraid of her. (my daughter was previously bullied at school and doesn't like violence - she is a very sweet and innocent 10 year old). I mean afraid to the point that when this child has come in our house since, my daughter has spent the time in my bedroom, on my bed telling me she has a tummy ache and doesn't want to come out.
I know I need to put my child's needs first, and to be honest, given the behaviour in the last few weeks, I really don't want her in my home anyway... but I especially don't want her here if she is going to invoke such an profoundly negative response from my daughter.
But how do I raise this with my friend without sounding nasty or judgemental?
Does it make me a bad person if I just tell her I can't take her any more and leave her to find something else?
6 Replies
Make up an excuse. Continue to make them. :)
Your friend knows her daughter is being difficult and down right nasty. So just tell your friend it's upsetting your daughter and that you are not equipped to handle her behaviours. You are very sorry to let her down but you can't have her daughter around your daughter at the moment.
Tell your close friend the truth?
Hey, I've seen these bad behaviours from your daughter, she's done xy and z to my daughter and it's affecting her to the point she hides and gets sick when xxxxx is here. Something has to be done, Im not sure how to handle it so first of all wanted to let you know and see if you have any ideas?
Let's be honest. This girl lied to you and had convinced you that she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time... the reality is if you discuss her behaviour of intimidating your own child with her mum she is very unlikely to admit to it. My guess is too that she has her mum convinced of her innocence. There is no easy way to approach this with your friend and it is possible you will lose your friendship as a consequence.
My cousin's daughter- who is 6 months younger than my own (9yrs)- also has poor behaviour at school but is the sweetest kid to me. It isn't until we leave that my daughter confides in me that she is sworn at, made fun of and picked on. We lasted a few catch ups before i decided it wasn't fair on my daughter and i no longer meet with them.
I know the dates you gave for looking after this girl have almost past so i am interested to see what you decided to do.
If it were me I doubt I would confront her mum - I'd either suck it up this one last time and ensure i supervise every single minute or organise for a family/friend to have my own daughter or have booked a trip away and apologised that you had double booked.
Either way I'd be sure to always be unavailable any future times your friend asks... good luck x
Just wondering if you have been able to work through this with your friend? :-)
if your friends you need to tell her about her daughter. She needs to know what her daughter is up to. I would want my friends to tell me the truth about my daughter and if she is a bully or trying to sneek out late at night.