My ex & I stopped seeing eachother when I told him I was pregnant with his child, he gave me the ultimatum, which was either him or the baby & I chose our baby. 2.5 years later I have been through the ringer with him. He's a type of person that if things do not go his way he ignores.
He sees our daughter once a week, as per his agreement. He is aware that if he ever wants to see her he can but never does. This is a private arrangement, no courts involved (for now).
It concerns me that the only time my daughter hears from her father is only the days he sees her, he never contacts her to see how shes doing outside of that time. He's none existant until its his day again. Is this normal ? Him not even wanting to know how she is? He never comes to any of her activities, didnt come to her last day of day care, nor her first day either. Its like he only sees her out of sheer obligation? I dont know, just thinking out aloud.
I contacted him via sms last week to advise that I needed to change the days & if he wanted any other day or two that was cool with me. Until this day I have not heard back from him. He didnt even turn up on the day he was meant to have her, which means he got my txt, but I also advised he could have her the following day or which ever day suited him. I heard nothing.
Does anyone out there go thru the same thing? Its odd, or maybe its not. Maybe this is how its meant to be, considering the circumstances?
Shed some light ladies.
2 Replies
I think he is going through the motions. Let him fade out of her life. But even when the relationship is good it can be radio silence between visits.
First off, I want you to know this is not abnormal. Its frustrating, sure. My ex doesn't ring my daughter between visits. When she was younger he would nick off to Melbourne for weeks at a time with no contact. He only goes to her dance concerts etc. because I would always arrange the tickets for him and his mum (they would pay me back) and his mum would drive him. Until he started seeing his now fiancee, he would only take our daughter one night a fortnight because it was too much effort for him to take her to dance lessons etc.
You can't make him be the father you want him to be. It took me 10 years to learn this. The fact is, he didn't want kids. Its all very well to say it takes 2, but the choice ultimately rests with the woman. If he doesn't want a child and you choose to have the baby anyway, that's it. He's on the hook for child support etc for the rest of his life. (And I am in no way saying you should have aborted if you didn't want to.) Yes, he should have texted you back. He agreed to once a week, the least he could do is communicate regarding that.
My suggestion would be, stay open and supportive of a relationship between him and your child but don't force it. You made the decision to have the baby so I must assume that you believed you could go it alone if necessary, so just focus on yourself and making a good life for you and your daughter.