Hi all. Earlier this year my partner lost his job and unfortunately hasn't been able to find full time employment yet. He has worked a bit of casual work here and there but can't find anything permanent. All our saving were exhausted going through IVF so we have been borrowing money, selling off personal items and relying on centrelink to try and make ends meet but we are now at the stage where we can no longer keep going the way we are. It is extremely stressful trying to scrape money together each week to pay the bills, pay of debts and buy food. Each week we are trying to figure out what we can sell or where can we get extra money and it's not a good way to live. We don't drink or do drugs and we live an honest lifestyle so it's not like we are wasting money on non essentials.
After doing IVF for several years to conceive our daughter, 2 years ago she was born and I have been lucky enough to have had 2 years at home cherishing every second I have with her. The plan was I was going to be a SAHM until she went to school but it's now at the stage where because of financial debt we have no choice but for me to return to the workforce full time . I had to have a medical procedure after her birth so I know she will be my one and only child
I guess my issue or concern is that I'm not emotionally ready to leave my daughter but I have no choice. IMy partner is going to be a SAHD until such time he can find a permanent job then we will re-assess our situation. At the moment our daughter is such a mummies girl and we have such a special bond which I absolutle love (especially because i went through so much to conceive her) but I'm worried that the dynamics of our relationship will change and our bond will be broken. Its only natural that she will become a daddies girl if she is spending all her time with him rather than me and I'm really sad about the idea already. In fact I'm actually jealous if I'm totally honest. How do I get past this and how do I emotionally prepare myself to leave my daughter all day 5 days a week and accept I will only spend a couple of hours a day with her?
Any words of wisdom or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. Please help me prepare for this
4 Replies
Its hard really really hard eapecially when you miss special days. Your bond with your daughter wont change. Perhaps while your still at home start letting daddy do more and more of the caring so shes prepard for daddy looking after her. I work full time and have 3 kids the youngest is 2, dad works nights and i work during the day. Sometimes he has daddy days and other days their mummy days they just bounce between the two. Its not easy and the guilt you get sometimes is horrible BUT if working is whats going to help out finacially then thats what has to be done.
I think you need to start switching your thinking. Your daughter deserves this opportunity to bond with dad. To learn that you have two parents that love you more than anything, that can nurture you, can feed you, can kiss your hurts away is a very special gift. It won't decrease her relationship with you but it will mean she has that bond with 2 people.
You will make sure you spend quality time on weekends and evenings.
I had the worst mummy guilt retuning to work with DD#1, but honestly you will both adjust just fine and you will realise it's all about quality time not quantity!
It is very hard. I was in a very similar situation. Unfortunately my husband lost his job whilst I was pregnant with number 3 and so I had no choice but to go straight back to full time work when my baby was 5 weeks old. The guilt and hurt I felt was indescribable however I much preferred having my bub at home with his daddy than sending him to daycare - I felt lucky in that way as so many don't have this option. At the end of the day, while it wasn't how I had planned for things to be, it all turned out ok. It was the best thing to do for our children and honestly my relationship with my kids and my husband had not suffered for it. It made hubby and I appreciate each other more and it made me enjoy my free time more with my kids. I wish you all the luck in the world. Xx